So, one of the weird, healthy (but unhealthy, sometimes) benifits of being here in Ecuador is losing weight. When I came down here I weighed about 225 pounds...now, after four months, I´m down to a slim (relatively so) 195. That´s the difference of about 30 pounds. The healthy schedule of weight loss is about 3 pounds per week per person, and so since i´ve been here for about 16 weeks, that actually isn´t that bad. And I feel a lot healthier, too: my food intake has been a mix of beans, rice, with the ocassional homemade pizza sneaking its way into my diet.
This is an unintended consequence of being here. My goal of being in Ecuador, nor did any of my thoughts go into, losing weight. It´s just an added consequence of being from the United States and loving to eat. I am able to eat like I do in the States because I have the option to choose the food that makes me heftier. Here, I don´t have that choice, which is an interesting reflection to think about. Living down here with people who eat this way everyday shows me that one can live on this little amount of food and still have not only a good life, but a very active and strong life as well.
And I see Ecuadorians doing manual labor everyday. They use the energy given to them by their food to good use. And when I ate, I would eat and sit, eat and sit, then walk around a little bit, then eat and sit some more. No wonder I ended up the way I did. No wonder there´s an obesity epidemic in our country. People have the option to eat and sit or eat and walk around and be active, and a lot of people eat and sit. I know very active people, so it´s not everyone. But the other reflection is that I´ve lost all this weight just by walking around my neighborhood, meeting people, allowing myself to experience the life of Ecuadorians daily by taking buses and actively choosing to walk places.
Of course, I don´t really want to loose more weight than this, although I probably will. And that´s not a bad thing, so long as I´m losing it doing this like I said above. Perhaps people in the States should just get out of their house and meet their neighbors, walk, and share in their lives. That sounds healthy to me.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Me Encanta. Me Encanta todo Eso
"Me encanta. Me encanta todo eso." This means, "I love it. I love all of this."
As I sat in the Terminal Terrestre, I came to a realization over a double quarter pounder with cheese. I came to the terminal with an errand to run: I needed to buy pupitos for my guitar, which is necessary given the scope of my work. After this errand, I wandered the terminal and found the buses that went between provinces, so I jotted down some information. Finally, I stopped for a bite to eat.
In the terminal, there aren´t cane houses, heat from the sun, water barrels, the sound of roosters and water trucks, babies and families, sounds that I´ve grown accustomed to. Only the sounds of shuffling feet, private conversations, and the exchange of money. As I sat over my burger, I looked at the TV and saw "American Gladiators" flashing in front of one Ecuadorian man, alone, sipping a McDonald´s cup, seemingly mesmerized.
I suddenly became aware of what I was doing in the terminal and what everyone else was doing as well: I was being from the United States, or as we say in the US, being "American." I was eating a doube quarter pounder with Cheese, watching television, and sitting. I was consuming goods physically and monetarily, and it felt normal. My discomfort with this idea then lead me to buy a chocolate bar, a I ate half of it before I caught myself.
It seems that this is what being American is, and what we´re trained to do in the US is consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. The show was translated so people could understand it, but I´ve never needed that. Everything is given to me in my language, and has been for 22 years.
People want to be American and as I walked from the McDonald´s with my chocolate bar, I realized that I was, too, because consuming, walking through a mall and being served is what we are trained to do. From a young age, "americans" are brought to places that have familiar advertising slogans or faces and we want to obtain them. We want to spend and spend because that´s the American way: consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. We don´t watch the world and understand what we´re doing to them.
As I write this, I sit on a rickety bus. A woman sleeps in front of me as I travel back from this experience to the place I live, a farcry from where I was. I feel sorry for everyone who sees me and thinks that because I´m American I am the world that everyone watches on TV. The truth is I´ve stepped off that stage and joined the crowd. Yet that slogan still brings me back to a world that I once kne, that loves consuming, sitting, and allowing the world to watch by commanding it, a hypnotic and seductive phrase that will always make people want to be American:
"Me ecanta. Me encanta todo eso."
As I sat in the Terminal Terrestre, I came to a realization over a double quarter pounder with cheese. I came to the terminal with an errand to run: I needed to buy pupitos for my guitar, which is necessary given the scope of my work. After this errand, I wandered the terminal and found the buses that went between provinces, so I jotted down some information. Finally, I stopped for a bite to eat.
In the terminal, there aren´t cane houses, heat from the sun, water barrels, the sound of roosters and water trucks, babies and families, sounds that I´ve grown accustomed to. Only the sounds of shuffling feet, private conversations, and the exchange of money. As I sat over my burger, I looked at the TV and saw "American Gladiators" flashing in front of one Ecuadorian man, alone, sipping a McDonald´s cup, seemingly mesmerized.
I suddenly became aware of what I was doing in the terminal and what everyone else was doing as well: I was being from the United States, or as we say in the US, being "American." I was eating a doube quarter pounder with Cheese, watching television, and sitting. I was consuming goods physically and monetarily, and it felt normal. My discomfort with this idea then lead me to buy a chocolate bar, a I ate half of it before I caught myself.
It seems that this is what being American is, and what we´re trained to do in the US is consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. The show was translated so people could understand it, but I´ve never needed that. Everything is given to me in my language, and has been for 22 years.
People want to be American and as I walked from the McDonald´s with my chocolate bar, I realized that I was, too, because consuming, walking through a mall and being served is what we are trained to do. From a young age, "americans" are brought to places that have familiar advertising slogans or faces and we want to obtain them. We want to spend and spend because that´s the American way: consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. We don´t watch the world and understand what we´re doing to them.
As I write this, I sit on a rickety bus. A woman sleeps in front of me as I travel back from this experience to the place I live, a farcry from where I was. I feel sorry for everyone who sees me and thinks that because I´m American I am the world that everyone watches on TV. The truth is I´ve stepped off that stage and joined the crowd. Yet that slogan still brings me back to a world that I once kne, that loves consuming, sitting, and allowing the world to watch by commanding it, a hypnotic and seductive phrase that will always make people want to be American:
"Me ecanta. Me encanta todo eso."
Thursday, October 14, 2010
How to Feel in Light of Sacrafices
This is an interesting feeling.
I walked into the cyber late morning and checked my email. I read a few from someone I care about, one that engenders me to keep praying harder and harder. I looked on my facebook and saw pictures from an event I wish I could have been at...marking the second big thing in this person´s life I´ve missed out on by choice. I am missing a lot at home with shows and so many other things I could be doing there that it makes my eyes well up a little and my throat get tight.
Yet, I´m here, living with one paved road and people I don´t know. I have to pay for my internet usage and learn a new language. Every day I take a bus to a place that I am still learning to love, and when I come back home I´m too exhausted to think about all of these things. Now that I´m thinking about them it makes me wonder: How do I feel about what I´ve sacraficed? The sacrafice of comfort, the sacrafice of presence, the sacrafice of language, the sacrafice of all I´ve known for twenty-two years. And I´m here, writing on this blog about it, not knowing how to feel.
My heart breaks and soars when things bad and good happen among the one I hold dear and my friends. Today has been a rush of those emotions, and I can´t talk to anyone about it at the moment because I have trouble expressing myself in Spanish. No one around can talk to me either because I have trouble understanding it. It´s all some sort of emotional roller coaster because I´m apart from the only four other people around who can understand me.
Yet I need to be self sufficient and begin to start dealing with these things alone. I´m not going to be able to have people constantly around me all of my life, no matter how much I desire that. The reality of human life comes from the fact that we will all end up alone at some point in our lives, and I suppose at this moment, at this computer, I kind of feel like that. I miss being able to console my loved ones and cherish the joys that they feel on a daily basis. I miss giving them a call to hang out and shoot the breeze with me. And now I´m living with the choice I´ve made to go without that for the next year.
It´s been three months now and I think I´ve just begun to hit the point of this experience: through sacrafice comes discomfort. Through discomfort comes growth. Through growth comes destruction. Through destruction comes creation. I am constantly desmantled by God, and it looks like God´s doing it again. Slowly, but surely. And when I am desmantled, I hope to understand where God is taking me and what God is doing with me.
I walked into the cyber late morning and checked my email. I read a few from someone I care about, one that engenders me to keep praying harder and harder. I looked on my facebook and saw pictures from an event I wish I could have been at...marking the second big thing in this person´s life I´ve missed out on by choice. I am missing a lot at home with shows and so many other things I could be doing there that it makes my eyes well up a little and my throat get tight.
Yet, I´m here, living with one paved road and people I don´t know. I have to pay for my internet usage and learn a new language. Every day I take a bus to a place that I am still learning to love, and when I come back home I´m too exhausted to think about all of these things. Now that I´m thinking about them it makes me wonder: How do I feel about what I´ve sacraficed? The sacrafice of comfort, the sacrafice of presence, the sacrafice of language, the sacrafice of all I´ve known for twenty-two years. And I´m here, writing on this blog about it, not knowing how to feel.
My heart breaks and soars when things bad and good happen among the one I hold dear and my friends. Today has been a rush of those emotions, and I can´t talk to anyone about it at the moment because I have trouble expressing myself in Spanish. No one around can talk to me either because I have trouble understanding it. It´s all some sort of emotional roller coaster because I´m apart from the only four other people around who can understand me.
Yet I need to be self sufficient and begin to start dealing with these things alone. I´m not going to be able to have people constantly around me all of my life, no matter how much I desire that. The reality of human life comes from the fact that we will all end up alone at some point in our lives, and I suppose at this moment, at this computer, I kind of feel like that. I miss being able to console my loved ones and cherish the joys that they feel on a daily basis. I miss giving them a call to hang out and shoot the breeze with me. And now I´m living with the choice I´ve made to go without that for the next year.
It´s been three months now and I think I´ve just begun to hit the point of this experience: through sacrafice comes discomfort. Through discomfort comes growth. Through growth comes destruction. Through destruction comes creation. I am constantly desmantled by God, and it looks like God´s doing it again. Slowly, but surely. And when I am desmantled, I hope to understand where God is taking me and what God is doing with me.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Coups aren´t as scary as the history books say they are...
I don´t think as many people heard about this in the states, so for those of you who didn´t, here´s what has happened here in Ecuador. Last thursday, President Raphael Correa was giving a speech in Quito where he announced that he was going to reduce the salary of national police officers so he could help fund some other programs for the poor here in Ecuador. Heckled during his speech, Correa responded by saying, "if you and to kill me, than kill me!" and dramatically undid his tie and buttoned his shirt. As he was walking to his car, someone in the crowd threw tear gas, the president was placed into a gas mask, and taken by car to a hospital to treat an already existing injury to his leg. What nobody realized (apparently...although I don´t quite know how this happened) is that the drivers took him to the hospital for the National Police. So for the day, Correa was sequestered in the hospital, and the National police sequestered him there. That night, a group of Special Forces came into the hospital and freed Correa, bringing him back to the Presidential Palace safely.
There were protests and a few police riots in Guayaquil. In Quito, things were a lot worse, especially among the police. But this instance did some things to my community and me. We were not allowed to go to work friday and stayed mostly indoors saturday and sunday. We spent a whole lot of time together, and I keep thinking to myself how this is the first blessing in desguise out of the whole situation. Through so much unrest, people come together and show each other care and concern. We all were making light of the situation (we wanted to make coup-kies, and other foods that sounded like the word "coup"), but it drew us all together. I felt like I was part of the national consciousness, too: I was a little afriad, and I wanted a peaceful resolution to the situation, which happened yesterday.
The second blessing in disguise is realizing how much the political system here in Ecuador is not too much different than in the United States. It´s ok, scratch your head. Why would I say that? Well, what happened here was classic: those who had been making money and possessed power were having a little bit of their power taken away, which lead to protests and violence because of the power infringement by the president. I think of the situation in the US, and I see a group of people (mainly the TEA party), angry that they are being taxed too much, and therefore, protesting and using violence in their language to try and get that power back. It´s all an ebb and flow: Those who have power will keep power for a while, but when this power is infringed upon (which always happens, inevitably), those who have the power want to keep it, and fight to do so.
I suppose I need to listen to the words of Christ. "In the Kingdom of God, the last shall be first, and the first shall be last." I am priveledged in the world. I have a college education, a car, a house, and a future to think about with a beautiful girlfriend and the world at my finger tips. The people here in Monte Sinai have none of these things, only family, neighbors, and the work of their hands. A neighbor of mine was up all night last night, but can´t go to sleep because he has to keep his store open to make money. I will never have to go through that, but I want to try and begin to understand what that must be like.
We have a conversation ongoing in our house. Can we ever be live in the world of the poor as people from the US? I don´t think that´s possible, but by the simple act of trying to understand it, something is being done: a transferrance of stories so that I can return them to the world and give them the respect they deserve. The news will never report about these people, only those people who have a loud enough voice. Well, I have a loud enough voice, and I´m not afraid to use it.
There were protests and a few police riots in Guayaquil. In Quito, things were a lot worse, especially among the police. But this instance did some things to my community and me. We were not allowed to go to work friday and stayed mostly indoors saturday and sunday. We spent a whole lot of time together, and I keep thinking to myself how this is the first blessing in desguise out of the whole situation. Through so much unrest, people come together and show each other care and concern. We all were making light of the situation (we wanted to make coup-kies, and other foods that sounded like the word "coup"), but it drew us all together. I felt like I was part of the national consciousness, too: I was a little afriad, and I wanted a peaceful resolution to the situation, which happened yesterday.
The second blessing in disguise is realizing how much the political system here in Ecuador is not too much different than in the United States. It´s ok, scratch your head. Why would I say that? Well, what happened here was classic: those who had been making money and possessed power were having a little bit of their power taken away, which lead to protests and violence because of the power infringement by the president. I think of the situation in the US, and I see a group of people (mainly the TEA party), angry that they are being taxed too much, and therefore, protesting and using violence in their language to try and get that power back. It´s all an ebb and flow: Those who have power will keep power for a while, but when this power is infringed upon (which always happens, inevitably), those who have the power want to keep it, and fight to do so.
I suppose I need to listen to the words of Christ. "In the Kingdom of God, the last shall be first, and the first shall be last." I am priveledged in the world. I have a college education, a car, a house, and a future to think about with a beautiful girlfriend and the world at my finger tips. The people here in Monte Sinai have none of these things, only family, neighbors, and the work of their hands. A neighbor of mine was up all night last night, but can´t go to sleep because he has to keep his store open to make money. I will never have to go through that, but I want to try and begin to understand what that must be like.
We have a conversation ongoing in our house. Can we ever be live in the world of the poor as people from the US? I don´t think that´s possible, but by the simple act of trying to understand it, something is being done: a transferrance of stories so that I can return them to the world and give them the respect they deserve. The news will never report about these people, only those people who have a loud enough voice. Well, I have a loud enough voice, and I´m not afraid to use it.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Books, books, and more books
In Ecuador, there´s really not a whole lot do outside of work and neighborhood time. We have prayer every night, and we also have spirituality and community nights once every week, but other than that, there´s a lot of down time. We´ve been spending it in community a lot, but I´ve found myself getting wrapped up in books. Not just any books though: I find that I try to pick books that are from known writers or from titles that I´ve heard of in the past. Or writers that I´ve heard of from elsewhere. So far, I´ve read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, Radical Compassion by Gary Smith, SJ, The Shack by William Young, and now I´m reading Sex God: The Endless Connection between Spirituality and Sexuality by Rob Bell, a pastor at an Evangelical church. Each book has given me interesting thoughts and feelings after I´ve finished them, and I marvel at the transferrance of ideas between people.
What might this be, you may ask? Well, I think it´s interesting that words can translate such meaning to people. The fact that I could read a book and have my own beliefs rocked a little bit, challenged, questioned, is interesting. What´s even more interesting is that it doesn´t have to happen with someone sitting directly in front of me. It happens through a piece of paper. Someone sat down, penned these words down, and they were published for everyone to see, read, and injest, so that they, too, can make this a part of their own beliefs and life. How fascinating is that?
Then I think, well, the difference between a book and a person is a lifeforce. I go over to neighbor´s houses, and no doubt some of them can´t read. No doubt some of them can´t look at words on a page and understand what they mean. But yet, whenever I speak with them it´s like the pages of an incredible story coming to life. It´s like a real life version of your favorite stories: A Tale of Two Cities? Look at the lives of people in Monte Sinai and the Puntilla. Death of a Salesman? Look at the thousands of fathers here, trying to make an honest and help their families succeed, but are stuck in their old ways, struggling in jobs that don´t make that much money, hoping that they can keep their jobs for another way. Every day I can talk to someone who experiences these stories first hand, in life.
So then, it seems, a lifeforce is found in the pages of each book. Through the simple fact that I crack the spine of a book I´m asking it to pour out the beliefs and leanings of its author. And yet, there are also those who don´t crack spines, but yet still pour their beliefs and leanings out to me, so that I may learn and injest these things into my own life. Which makes me wonder: is there anything that doesn´t bring life? Is there anything in the world that doesn´t somehow allow life to take place? Even in this place, where cane houses and dirt roads are common place, where every family is striving to better their lives for their children, hoping to make enough money to continue building a more sufficient living space, life can take place, and it takes place to the fullest.
In the end, I don´t know if this blog entry makes a lot of sense. Words, books, lifeforces, life. The transferrance of life. The way people live. Reading books brings life to all people because people´s lives are in the books, fiction or not. Talking to people here is like reading a book because people´s lives are in the stories they tell. Maybe everything in life leads people to life, even the tradgedies. Jeez, this makes me want to read a good book.
What might this be, you may ask? Well, I think it´s interesting that words can translate such meaning to people. The fact that I could read a book and have my own beliefs rocked a little bit, challenged, questioned, is interesting. What´s even more interesting is that it doesn´t have to happen with someone sitting directly in front of me. It happens through a piece of paper. Someone sat down, penned these words down, and they were published for everyone to see, read, and injest, so that they, too, can make this a part of their own beliefs and life. How fascinating is that?
Then I think, well, the difference between a book and a person is a lifeforce. I go over to neighbor´s houses, and no doubt some of them can´t read. No doubt some of them can´t look at words on a page and understand what they mean. But yet, whenever I speak with them it´s like the pages of an incredible story coming to life. It´s like a real life version of your favorite stories: A Tale of Two Cities? Look at the lives of people in Monte Sinai and the Puntilla. Death of a Salesman? Look at the thousands of fathers here, trying to make an honest and help their families succeed, but are stuck in their old ways, struggling in jobs that don´t make that much money, hoping that they can keep their jobs for another way. Every day I can talk to someone who experiences these stories first hand, in life.
So then, it seems, a lifeforce is found in the pages of each book. Through the simple fact that I crack the spine of a book I´m asking it to pour out the beliefs and leanings of its author. And yet, there are also those who don´t crack spines, but yet still pour their beliefs and leanings out to me, so that I may learn and injest these things into my own life. Which makes me wonder: is there anything that doesn´t bring life? Is there anything in the world that doesn´t somehow allow life to take place? Even in this place, where cane houses and dirt roads are common place, where every family is striving to better their lives for their children, hoping to make enough money to continue building a more sufficient living space, life can take place, and it takes place to the fullest.
In the end, I don´t know if this blog entry makes a lot of sense. Words, books, lifeforces, life. The transferrance of life. The way people live. Reading books brings life to all people because people´s lives are in the books, fiction or not. Talking to people here is like reading a book because people´s lives are in the stories they tell. Maybe everything in life leads people to life, even the tradgedies. Jeez, this makes me want to read a good book.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
What´s going on down here?
I haven´t had a lot of time to get to blogging. It´s been a slight dry spell from my other weeks of frequent updating. For that I am sorry for all of you avid readers of my thoughts; I´m so blessed to have so many people following this blog! I want to say, straight away, that I have been reflecting on all of the support I´ve been getting back home. Whether it be from those who donated to my cause monetarily, or those who continue to donate through letters, graduation pictures (Meaghan!) or facebook/gchatting, I am certainly feeling the love down here from the States. Thank you all so much!
Now, as for my time here recently. It seems like things have been becoming a little routine. During the weeks I´ve been waking up, walking around the barrio, coming home, getting on the bus and going to work, working, returning from work, having communiy dinner, having community prayer, and going to sleep. This simple structure has varied, thogh: we throw in weekly spirituality and community nights, which gives the week some flavor. There is also some leighway with neighborhood time as well: I never know who I am going to meet, who´s going to approach me, or even if I´ll be able to respond and understand what the person is saying. Recently I´ve been going around alone, too, which has been a rush because I´m gaining more confidence in speaking to people around. Like I said earlier: it´s becoming a little routine, but there are certainly enough variables in my day to keep it fresh.
Last night I ran community night, and I introduced everyone to the craziness of my personality using (my favorite) improv. We played Zip-Zap-Zop, Zoom-Schwartz-Profigliano, and 21, and although I was a little afraid my community wasn´t going to enjoy it, they threw themselves in it and we had a blast. It was especially fun playing Caveman 21. If you´re reading this and don´t know what the hell I´m saying, don´t worry, that´s normal. Improv is something that has become such a part of my life that I am excited to tell/show everyone about it. And, one may be saying, "What does improv have to do with community?"
Well, I think the most important thing is that, especially using those games, improv builds community. One of the most important rules of improv is that you have to clear your mind and just be during each game, allow the game to happen to you and not anticipate what´s going to happen. In community life, this is essential; I can´t pretend to expect this community to be like the communities I lived in with Leaderworx. I can´t expect my community members to be my friends forever (although, the way things are going, it may just turn out that way). I just have to live with them and try to understand them as they are, not as they once were, or as they will be. All five of us have lived through the past and not yet made it to the future, we must live now. This is a useful thought to have when living in community, and living in general.
The one thing that doing improv made me do was miss doing improv back in the states with On the Fly. I don´t think the people in the ensemble realize this, but as silly as this will sound (and probably corny), doing improv really opened me up more and allowed me to have the ganas to put myself out there more than I could before. It gave me more courage and encouragment to just be myself and be happy with that. It´s a blessing to know that I have such a community back home, where I can just be myself and not have to worry about judgments or preconcieved notions. I can just be, and not worry about it.
One more thing to write about, and then I´ll stop. Yesterday morning our local priest, Father John, came by our house to pick up Aaron for a trip into Guayaquil centro. He walked in and approached me, sat down at our table, and began talking to me about the music ministry here. He said that he was impressed by my work with the guitaristas at St. Theresa, a capilla under the parroquia Bautismo de Jesus, and he wanted me to have more responsibility in the main parish church, Corpus Cristi. He wanted me to begin thinking up music for each month, and wanted to work with me to get the whole parish to participate not only in the pews, but also in a possible music group that the parish can form. In a nutshell, he said that I need to take charge of the music in the parish.
Now, it sounded awesome at the time. I was really excited, although overwhelmed. I didn´t know where to begin, espeically since everyone down here doesn´t read music and uses solfedge when they play music (translating guitar chords was difficult). The only thing is that we currently have another music group from another parish coming to play every Sunday at the big parish, and they are fantastic. THey have built up music in that parish already, and the last thing I want to do is step on toes or invalidate all of the hard work they´ve done. That wouldn´t be fair to them. So today I´m going to talk to Father John about how I wouldn´t be comfortable with taking over the ministry unless they continued to be involved until they wanted to stop. I can´t be part of slowly pushing that group out of our parish.
I think that´s about all for now. I wish all of you in the states saludos, and thank you for all the support again. KEEP SENDING ME MAIL/LETTERS! It´s awesome!!!
From Ecuador, with love.
Now, as for my time here recently. It seems like things have been becoming a little routine. During the weeks I´ve been waking up, walking around the barrio, coming home, getting on the bus and going to work, working, returning from work, having communiy dinner, having community prayer, and going to sleep. This simple structure has varied, thogh: we throw in weekly spirituality and community nights, which gives the week some flavor. There is also some leighway with neighborhood time as well: I never know who I am going to meet, who´s going to approach me, or even if I´ll be able to respond and understand what the person is saying. Recently I´ve been going around alone, too, which has been a rush because I´m gaining more confidence in speaking to people around. Like I said earlier: it´s becoming a little routine, but there are certainly enough variables in my day to keep it fresh.
Last night I ran community night, and I introduced everyone to the craziness of my personality using (my favorite) improv. We played Zip-Zap-Zop, Zoom-Schwartz-Profigliano, and 21, and although I was a little afraid my community wasn´t going to enjoy it, they threw themselves in it and we had a blast. It was especially fun playing Caveman 21. If you´re reading this and don´t know what the hell I´m saying, don´t worry, that´s normal. Improv is something that has become such a part of my life that I am excited to tell/show everyone about it. And, one may be saying, "What does improv have to do with community?"
Well, I think the most important thing is that, especially using those games, improv builds community. One of the most important rules of improv is that you have to clear your mind and just be during each game, allow the game to happen to you and not anticipate what´s going to happen. In community life, this is essential; I can´t pretend to expect this community to be like the communities I lived in with Leaderworx. I can´t expect my community members to be my friends forever (although, the way things are going, it may just turn out that way). I just have to live with them and try to understand them as they are, not as they once were, or as they will be. All five of us have lived through the past and not yet made it to the future, we must live now. This is a useful thought to have when living in community, and living in general.
The one thing that doing improv made me do was miss doing improv back in the states with On the Fly. I don´t think the people in the ensemble realize this, but as silly as this will sound (and probably corny), doing improv really opened me up more and allowed me to have the ganas to put myself out there more than I could before. It gave me more courage and encouragment to just be myself and be happy with that. It´s a blessing to know that I have such a community back home, where I can just be myself and not have to worry about judgments or preconcieved notions. I can just be, and not worry about it.
One more thing to write about, and then I´ll stop. Yesterday morning our local priest, Father John, came by our house to pick up Aaron for a trip into Guayaquil centro. He walked in and approached me, sat down at our table, and began talking to me about the music ministry here. He said that he was impressed by my work with the guitaristas at St. Theresa, a capilla under the parroquia Bautismo de Jesus, and he wanted me to have more responsibility in the main parish church, Corpus Cristi. He wanted me to begin thinking up music for each month, and wanted to work with me to get the whole parish to participate not only in the pews, but also in a possible music group that the parish can form. In a nutshell, he said that I need to take charge of the music in the parish.
Now, it sounded awesome at the time. I was really excited, although overwhelmed. I didn´t know where to begin, espeically since everyone down here doesn´t read music and uses solfedge when they play music (translating guitar chords was difficult). The only thing is that we currently have another music group from another parish coming to play every Sunday at the big parish, and they are fantastic. THey have built up music in that parish already, and the last thing I want to do is step on toes or invalidate all of the hard work they´ve done. That wouldn´t be fair to them. So today I´m going to talk to Father John about how I wouldn´t be comfortable with taking over the ministry unless they continued to be involved until they wanted to stop. I can´t be part of slowly pushing that group out of our parish.
I think that´s about all for now. I wish all of you in the states saludos, and thank you for all the support again. KEEP SENDING ME MAIL/LETTERS! It´s awesome!!!
From Ecuador, with love.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
I thought I had something...
So I´m sitting here at the Monte Sinai cyber (which just got internet), and I remember sitting down with an idea for a blog entry but now I have forgotten what it is. I think that´s one of my ultimate problems: forgetting ideas. I´m a very absent minded person and I always have been, but I just wish sometimes I would remember why I open up my blog and decide to write in it.
Perhaps it was about my community´s ongoing conversation concerning faith and God. I don´t quite know how to go into that in this public of a forum, but suffice to say that it´s been a very enriching and "life-giving" (a phrase used a lot down here) conversation. Maybe that´s something I can just go on. I am a very absent minded person unless I constantly remind myself of important things, like, for example, my family´s constant support, or my three year anniversary with Christine is this Wednesday, or her phone number, or her address, or her constant loyalty and feelings for me, or the fact that I have all sorts of friends in the states that care for me. Every day I wake up thanking God for these things in my life, and they become a larger part of my reality while I´m down here so that, as I immerse myself in the culture down here, I can explain better to people (and to myself) who I am and why I do what I do.
The ¨life giving¨part of this conversation about faith here in Monte Sinai has been that I am constantly reminding myself of the aspects of my faith that I can loose. Being in Ecuador and worrying about getting on the correct bus, making sure I´m being safe, keep in touch with the Dúran volunteers, setting up visits with neighbors, etc., can tend to take up most of my time, to the point where I am so focused on those things my faith gets lost in the shuffle. It´s not like at SJU where I was always surrounded by it with statues and chapel choir and sju weekly service. Here, faith is a little more abstract because there isn´t a controlled space where I can express it like in Wolfington or in the Chapel.
The value in this, though, is that I can begin to formulate a vocabulary for expressing my faith outside of these controlled venues. The opportunity for faith discourse here is much; we have daily night prayer and weekly spirituality night. But these things are intentional choices we all take to make faith discourse happen. I have to make that choice every single night to make sure that I am being open and honest about my faith so that I can constantly remind myself about my whole faith. It´s not just about jusice, it´s about faith. It´s not just about faith, it´s about justice. And if I don´t take that step to remind myself by sharing my faith with others, I am missing the opportunity to really build on my foundation of faith.
It may be Aristotelean of me, but repetition seems to work well when building faith. I keep on reminding myself of the depth of Christ´s love for me and for the world that I become less absent minded and become more open minded to those around me and the faith that leads me to justice as well as the justice that leads to my faith. Huh, this turned out to be a better blog entry than I thought. Maybe I should start making lists...or maybe I should just always forget about my blog entry ideas. Especially because it allows me to be more vulnerable on here. Here´s to faith, justice, and word vomit, I suppose.
Perhaps it was about my community´s ongoing conversation concerning faith and God. I don´t quite know how to go into that in this public of a forum, but suffice to say that it´s been a very enriching and "life-giving" (a phrase used a lot down here) conversation. Maybe that´s something I can just go on. I am a very absent minded person unless I constantly remind myself of important things, like, for example, my family´s constant support, or my three year anniversary with Christine is this Wednesday, or her phone number, or her address, or her constant loyalty and feelings for me, or the fact that I have all sorts of friends in the states that care for me. Every day I wake up thanking God for these things in my life, and they become a larger part of my reality while I´m down here so that, as I immerse myself in the culture down here, I can explain better to people (and to myself) who I am and why I do what I do.
The ¨life giving¨part of this conversation about faith here in Monte Sinai has been that I am constantly reminding myself of the aspects of my faith that I can loose. Being in Ecuador and worrying about getting on the correct bus, making sure I´m being safe, keep in touch with the Dúran volunteers, setting up visits with neighbors, etc., can tend to take up most of my time, to the point where I am so focused on those things my faith gets lost in the shuffle. It´s not like at SJU where I was always surrounded by it with statues and chapel choir and sju weekly service. Here, faith is a little more abstract because there isn´t a controlled space where I can express it like in Wolfington or in the Chapel.
The value in this, though, is that I can begin to formulate a vocabulary for expressing my faith outside of these controlled venues. The opportunity for faith discourse here is much; we have daily night prayer and weekly spirituality night. But these things are intentional choices we all take to make faith discourse happen. I have to make that choice every single night to make sure that I am being open and honest about my faith so that I can constantly remind myself about my whole faith. It´s not just about jusice, it´s about faith. It´s not just about faith, it´s about justice. And if I don´t take that step to remind myself by sharing my faith with others, I am missing the opportunity to really build on my foundation of faith.
It may be Aristotelean of me, but repetition seems to work well when building faith. I keep on reminding myself of the depth of Christ´s love for me and for the world that I become less absent minded and become more open minded to those around me and the faith that leads me to justice as well as the justice that leads to my faith. Huh, this turned out to be a better blog entry than I thought. Maybe I should start making lists...or maybe I should just always forget about my blog entry ideas. Especially because it allows me to be more vulnerable on here. Here´s to faith, justice, and word vomit, I suppose.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Community Living 101
For those of you who may not have realized this initially by reading this blog, I am living with four other people in the house at Monte Sinai. We all come from different life experiences, different geographical locations, and most importantly, different musical tastes. Well, maybe not all of us have different musical tastes - I have a music buddy in one of my community members, but that´s beside the point. In community, there has to be exchange between the people partaking in it, whether it be with music, or with something deeper. In Christian community, it usually happens in the exchange between faith journies and also prayer. Speaking generally, this can cause tension in whatever Christian community because of the fact that some may be at different points in their spirituality than others. This tension, in community, must be addressed post haste because it can become a toxic part of the community. But this is also the challenge of community: how to bring up tensions and problems within the community in a way that´s constructive and non-accusitory.
One of the most difficult exchanges between people is the exchange of ego. Living in community entails making sure that those people around you in community has a space to be open about their feelings. This, with certitude, takes the form of renouncing some of your own comforts for that of your community. Maybe you don´t like listening to broadway musical´s of the 1940s, but when Sandy decides that this is her favorite type of music you perhaps let her know the discomfort you feel when she puts it on, but you also realize that you have to pick your battles, and just because she´s playing Pal Joey or Kiss me Kate doesn´t mean you can be all snuffy and lock yourself in your room.
This leads to the next point about community living: participation. When you exchange (and even renounce) ego, you have to participate in your other community member´s realities! Sharing faith jornies and other things can´t be done with a grain of salt. These are people´s lives and interestes that they may find dear, and this means that when Sandy has Pal Joey on, you stay in the kitchen and help her make dinner while she´s dancing around to that famous broadway song of Pal Joey that she loves. This not only expands your own boundary of comfort, but it also shows her that you´re willing to participate in her interests and realities, which will, in turn, make her desire to participate in yours - an exchange. Granted, music isn´t the biggest thing, but this applies to everything: sharing faith journies, feelings of happiness or pain, tough conversations about community dynamics, etc.
These are just a few things that I´ve picked up from living in community the past two summers. I´m trying to apply this to my four other community members, and I hope I´m doing a good job. Community is not an easy thing, but all great things are not easy things to work towards. If you ever get the opportunity to live in community, take the chance. And hey, if you´re thinking about getting married at some point, living in community is good practice! At least that´s what married people tell me.
One of the most difficult exchanges between people is the exchange of ego. Living in community entails making sure that those people around you in community has a space to be open about their feelings. This, with certitude, takes the form of renouncing some of your own comforts for that of your community. Maybe you don´t like listening to broadway musical´s of the 1940s, but when Sandy decides that this is her favorite type of music you perhaps let her know the discomfort you feel when she puts it on, but you also realize that you have to pick your battles, and just because she´s playing Pal Joey or Kiss me Kate doesn´t mean you can be all snuffy and lock yourself in your room.
This leads to the next point about community living: participation. When you exchange (and even renounce) ego, you have to participate in your other community member´s realities! Sharing faith jornies and other things can´t be done with a grain of salt. These are people´s lives and interestes that they may find dear, and this means that when Sandy has Pal Joey on, you stay in the kitchen and help her make dinner while she´s dancing around to that famous broadway song of Pal Joey that she loves. This not only expands your own boundary of comfort, but it also shows her that you´re willing to participate in her interests and realities, which will, in turn, make her desire to participate in yours - an exchange. Granted, music isn´t the biggest thing, but this applies to everything: sharing faith journies, feelings of happiness or pain, tough conversations about community dynamics, etc.
These are just a few things that I´ve picked up from living in community the past two summers. I´m trying to apply this to my four other community members, and I hope I´m doing a good job. Community is not an easy thing, but all great things are not easy things to work towards. If you ever get the opportunity to live in community, take the chance. And hey, if you´re thinking about getting married at some point, living in community is good practice! At least that´s what married people tell me.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Bastion Popular, Bloque Uno - Never Take the 83
So this week has been my first week of work. I´ve been working in a barrio called Bastion Popular, which is right across the Via Daule in Guayaquil, a busy commercial road. There are twelve blocks there, and I work on Bloque uno, which is quite the sight. There are no paved roads but it is rather urban: Bastion is sprawling with buildings, hogars and tiendas scattered all over the hills. It´s like most other neighborhoods I´ve seen here in Ecuador, except whenever anyone talks about it, I always hear the same thing. "¿Bastion? Sí, esta muy peligroso."
But when I go to my worksite there, I don´t see it. There are about 80 kids, ranging from ages 6 to 15, all of whom do their homework loudly and aren´t afraid to ask for help. They´re all very energetic and seem excited about what their doing. Then again, there are a few who act up in the middle of their homework. I usually just give them a stare and firmly ask "¿que?" like my mom would do to me if anything was acting up. Usually the just freeze and return to their homework. They always call me "Profe" (short for profesor), and seem to like my company, even though they speak Spanish 10 (maybe 20) times better than I do. Now, granted, I haven´t ever walked on the streets of Bastion because my boss informs me that I´m not safe there, but I always walk with one of the young adult volunteers who works there. All four of them are really chévere (cool), and they seem to like me even though my command of the language isn´t there yet.
The only thing I will say is that no one should EVER take the 83 unless they really want to get to the other side of Bastion. I won´t disclose the details of my engagement with that bus line, but I promise you it´s best not to take it, especially if you´re trying to get to bloque uno. It takes you to the other side of Bastion, and if you´re a gringo, definitely do go to the other side of bastion. Or bloque dos, even.
So, I suppose for all my talk about the kids in Bloque Uno, it´s important to take the advice of people who say that a place is muy peligroso. At the same time, assuming every place in Ecuador is that isn´t the best thing to do. So, to conclude this suprisingly advising blog entry, if you enter a place you don´t know, don´t always assume that it is dangerous, even if people say it is. Odds are, where you go may be, but that doesn´t mean you should be afraid of it because good people do live there. Don´t be afraid of the unknown because sometimes you´ll find life even in the most mysterious places.
But when I go to my worksite there, I don´t see it. There are about 80 kids, ranging from ages 6 to 15, all of whom do their homework loudly and aren´t afraid to ask for help. They´re all very energetic and seem excited about what their doing. Then again, there are a few who act up in the middle of their homework. I usually just give them a stare and firmly ask "¿que?" like my mom would do to me if anything was acting up. Usually the just freeze and return to their homework. They always call me "Profe" (short for profesor), and seem to like my company, even though they speak Spanish 10 (maybe 20) times better than I do. Now, granted, I haven´t ever walked on the streets of Bastion because my boss informs me that I´m not safe there, but I always walk with one of the young adult volunteers who works there. All four of them are really chévere (cool), and they seem to like me even though my command of the language isn´t there yet.
The only thing I will say is that no one should EVER take the 83 unless they really want to get to the other side of Bastion. I won´t disclose the details of my engagement with that bus line, but I promise you it´s best not to take it, especially if you´re trying to get to bloque uno. It takes you to the other side of Bastion, and if you´re a gringo, definitely do go to the other side of bastion. Or bloque dos, even.
So, I suppose for all my talk about the kids in Bloque Uno, it´s important to take the advice of people who say that a place is muy peligroso. At the same time, assuming every place in Ecuador is that isn´t the best thing to do. So, to conclude this suprisingly advising blog entry, if you enter a place you don´t know, don´t always assume that it is dangerous, even if people say it is. Odds are, where you go may be, but that doesn´t mean you should be afraid of it because good people do live there. Don´t be afraid of the unknown because sometimes you´ll find life even in the most mysterious places.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Maybe more thought out...
So I realize that the past few posts may have been a bit rushed. I was trying to cut my time down here at the cyber and live simply with my community. Today we are all here updating blogs and talking with friends, so I feel less fevered to finish. I´m gonna try and relate all that I´ve been feeling the past few days, so I´m not really sure how long this will go for. We´ll just see. I´m a better extemporaneous writer than planned out writer, so this should be pretty easy for me. Let´s just hope it´s easy to ready for you.
So the past few days have been a little difficult for me. I opened my photo album of pictures and saw all of my friends and Christine. I began to miss home a lot. Then, on top of that, I started to feel a little out of place among our community mates. It was weird. I felt like I was trying to make a great comment or trying to do something so people would know who I am and nobody was really paying attention. That´s all fine, though, after the fact. But during last week I was feeling a little bit out of place. It was hard going to Diana´s father´s wake because it reminded me of my mom´s, which exacerbated my feelings, and I sort of hit a low around monday or sunday? I´m not really sure, time has a funny way of slipping past you down here. Well, either way I hit a low.
And then I started journaling one afternoon at Arbolito. Why was I feeling like this? Was I really out of place down here or was I just feeling this way for no reason at all? Am I cut out for this stuff? And I struggled a bit relating to people up till that point. I don´t know what happened after that journal entry, but writing out my feelings helped me and so I got up and began talking with people. I felt a ton better about it and felt like I was becoming a part of the community again. We had prayer that night and the communtiy seemed to really come together. After we returned to AJS I finally had a huge realization.
What I was doing was being a little proud. I came down here with all of these thoughts about myself. I thought I was really awesome at relating to people, really awesome at music, really confident, and all this stuff. And I still believe that I am all of those things. I just express it differently than others, and on top of that, there are people who are a little better socially than I am. This doesn´t mean i´m awful at meeting people or relating to them, and it doesn´t mean that I am an awful person as I felt. I just have to be humble about it. I´m not the best thing to happen to Ecuador since sliced bread. I´m not going to come down here and make a huge difference. I´m not going to make best friends who I will always count on for the rest of my life.
What I realized was that I am valuable to Ecuador. I am going to make some difference, somewhere here. And I am going to build community using everybody´s best and worst parts, even mine. And I have to accept that people will have to get used to the way I am, and I have to get used to the way people are here. That´s what building community´s all about. We must be humble and decrease so others can increase. As John the Baptist said, ¨He must increase, I must decrease.¨In the same way, when we build community, we all must decrease, and Christ must increase so that we base our community around Christ and not our own desires.
Other than that, we had an earthquake today that was only minor. I wouldn´t worry about it too much because we just had a slight tremor. That was really cool to wake up to. I haven´t had any ghiardias or parasites yet, but I can´t wait to eat my neighbor´s food when they invite me to eat! I will update more as soon as I can. I wish all of you a happy week and a great weekend.
So the past few days have been a little difficult for me. I opened my photo album of pictures and saw all of my friends and Christine. I began to miss home a lot. Then, on top of that, I started to feel a little out of place among our community mates. It was weird. I felt like I was trying to make a great comment or trying to do something so people would know who I am and nobody was really paying attention. That´s all fine, though, after the fact. But during last week I was feeling a little bit out of place. It was hard going to Diana´s father´s wake because it reminded me of my mom´s, which exacerbated my feelings, and I sort of hit a low around monday or sunday? I´m not really sure, time has a funny way of slipping past you down here. Well, either way I hit a low.
And then I started journaling one afternoon at Arbolito. Why was I feeling like this? Was I really out of place down here or was I just feeling this way for no reason at all? Am I cut out for this stuff? And I struggled a bit relating to people up till that point. I don´t know what happened after that journal entry, but writing out my feelings helped me and so I got up and began talking with people. I felt a ton better about it and felt like I was becoming a part of the community again. We had prayer that night and the communtiy seemed to really come together. After we returned to AJS I finally had a huge realization.
What I was doing was being a little proud. I came down here with all of these thoughts about myself. I thought I was really awesome at relating to people, really awesome at music, really confident, and all this stuff. And I still believe that I am all of those things. I just express it differently than others, and on top of that, there are people who are a little better socially than I am. This doesn´t mean i´m awful at meeting people or relating to them, and it doesn´t mean that I am an awful person as I felt. I just have to be humble about it. I´m not the best thing to happen to Ecuador since sliced bread. I´m not going to come down here and make a huge difference. I´m not going to make best friends who I will always count on for the rest of my life.
What I realized was that I am valuable to Ecuador. I am going to make some difference, somewhere here. And I am going to build community using everybody´s best and worst parts, even mine. And I have to accept that people will have to get used to the way I am, and I have to get used to the way people are here. That´s what building community´s all about. We must be humble and decrease so others can increase. As John the Baptist said, ¨He must increase, I must decrease.¨In the same way, when we build community, we all must decrease, and Christ must increase so that we base our community around Christ and not our own desires.
Other than that, we had an earthquake today that was only minor. I wouldn´t worry about it too much because we just had a slight tremor. That was really cool to wake up to. I haven´t had any ghiardias or parasites yet, but I can´t wait to eat my neighbor´s food when they invite me to eat! I will update more as soon as I can. I wish all of you a happy week and a great weekend.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Death and Life
This past night the former volunteers left us, but we also had a loss of someone close to us. One of our Ecuadorian friends lost a family member last night. We all have been somber today, keeping this in our thoughts and prayers. It´s been a little difficult for me. I remember when I lost my mom. It was the hardest thing I´ve ever had to go through. I feel for our friend, and I want to be there for her as much as I can.
Death is a funny thing. Everyone talks about it and is slightly sensitized to it depending on the culture you´re from or whether you grew up watching R-rated movies. It seems like sometimes death is even a little bit of a joke: we don´t realize the gravity of what it means. It means someone has lost a parent, or a cousin, an uncle, or an aunt, a grandparent, for a friend. It´s also seen as a very individual thing: many songs are written with lyrics like everyone dies alone, etc. We don´t see what death really is, and in that way we lose ourselves and concentrate on living as an individual. One body is put into the ground, one casket, one vault to keep any lingering of that person from eminating.
Yet death can bring people together in ways that no one can understand. It can bring people foward who one knew never cared, or who are torn apart by selfish motives. It can strengthen a community of people and teach everyone what love really means. It can show the world around just how much life people can have in the face of adversity. In short, death is something that shows the world how much we can be alive, how much humanity can feel for each other and be one. It´s much like a Chirstian community, who are united by the death of Christ. We are all united by death, because death brings new life to us, wherever we are.
So say a prayer for our Ecuadorian friend, and please keep all of us in your prayers today. And remember how much life you have, even though death is still present in the world. It comes for all of us, but life can be eternal if you want it to be, even over death.
Death is a funny thing. Everyone talks about it and is slightly sensitized to it depending on the culture you´re from or whether you grew up watching R-rated movies. It seems like sometimes death is even a little bit of a joke: we don´t realize the gravity of what it means. It means someone has lost a parent, or a cousin, an uncle, or an aunt, a grandparent, for a friend. It´s also seen as a very individual thing: many songs are written with lyrics like everyone dies alone, etc. We don´t see what death really is, and in that way we lose ourselves and concentrate on living as an individual. One body is put into the ground, one casket, one vault to keep any lingering of that person from eminating.
Yet death can bring people together in ways that no one can understand. It can bring people foward who one knew never cared, or who are torn apart by selfish motives. It can strengthen a community of people and teach everyone what love really means. It can show the world around just how much life people can have in the face of adversity. In short, death is something that shows the world how much we can be alive, how much humanity can feel for each other and be one. It´s much like a Chirstian community, who are united by the death of Christ. We are all united by death, because death brings new life to us, wherever we are.
So say a prayer for our Ecuadorian friend, and please keep all of us in your prayers today. And remember how much life you have, even though death is still present in the world. It comes for all of us, but life can be eternal if you want it to be, even over death.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
At the cyber at the moment...
How incredible.
Everything here is fantastic in Ecuador. I´m writing to you from a cyber in the neighborhood of Antonio Jose de Sucre. It´s pretty sweet, although it´s kind of hard having one of these characters (ç) be where the semicolon is supposed to be. I´m in the honeymoon period of my time here, which will hopefully last for a while. It´ll be an interesting time when i hit the culture shock part of my time here. I´m just waiting for it.
My volunteer community is awesome! We were able to hang out with the four former monte sinai volunteers who stayed for a second year. They showed us around our neighborhood and introduced us to the people they knew there so we would have a place to start when we got there. Amy, Tracy, Carolyn and Danny were a tremendous help to all five of us, and i cannot thank them enough. They made my first few visits to Monte Sinai awesome, and i can´t wait to return and continue building up the relationships they´ve made as well as making new ones with new neighbors.
It´s 530 here and we need to get going because some people will be coming to pick us up for dinner at the Arbolito retreat house. I will write in here as soon as i get another chance to, but we´ll be pretty busy for the next two weeks. All my love for all of you, and I hope that the States are going well!
Everything here is fantastic in Ecuador. I´m writing to you from a cyber in the neighborhood of Antonio Jose de Sucre. It´s pretty sweet, although it´s kind of hard having one of these characters (ç) be where the semicolon is supposed to be. I´m in the honeymoon period of my time here, which will hopefully last for a while. It´ll be an interesting time when i hit the culture shock part of my time here. I´m just waiting for it.
My volunteer community is awesome! We were able to hang out with the four former monte sinai volunteers who stayed for a second year. They showed us around our neighborhood and introduced us to the people they knew there so we would have a place to start when we got there. Amy, Tracy, Carolyn and Danny were a tremendous help to all five of us, and i cannot thank them enough. They made my first few visits to Monte Sinai awesome, and i can´t wait to return and continue building up the relationships they´ve made as well as making new ones with new neighbors.
It´s 530 here and we need to get going because some people will be coming to pick us up for dinner at the Arbolito retreat house. I will write in here as soon as i get another chance to, but we´ll be pretty busy for the next two weeks. All my love for all of you, and I hope that the States are going well!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Last day in the States
This is it.
My regular contact with those of you in the United States is going to get more sporadic. I leave for Ecuador tomorrow. I have two flights, the first out of Boston to Miami, the second from Miami to Guayaquil, my home for the next year. Some of you may be wondering how I spent my last day. It was all such a blur I don't know if I can even recall it. We had a session about teaching all day, ultimate frisbee, 2 CVS trips, pasta for dinner, a birthday celebration (Happy Birthday Jenn!), an itinerary and logistics quick session, and now I'm sitting here on this computer typing up the last thing I'm going to be typing in the US for a while. What a weird feeling.
I checked out of this orientation in the afternoon. I can't remember what was said, probably gems and jewels of knowledge I need to know for my time down there. The relevance of each presentation was incredible, but I don't know what it will be like. I don't know what it will be like trying to remember everything I've learned here when an Ecuadorian child tells me about his familial relationships. I don't know if I'll remember everything I've learned here having my first fight with community members. I don't know if I'll remember everything I've learned here when I get into difficult situations, when the culture shock sets in, when I have to meet new neighbors or protect myself from other people around the neighborhood.
We have a prayer tonight that's going to commission my community and I as we go off into our adventure. I don't know when I'll see all of the JVs again. Now the uncertainty hits. We're being whisked away in an airplane to a place I don't know about and all I can do is write in this blog and hope that tomorrow goes off without a hitch, I arrive at Guayaquil and we are welcomed with grand smiles and hugs. How did it get to this point again?
This is crazy. My life has taken me to the precipice of an adventure I never thought I would undertake. My heart has lead me here because I followed it as a wise woman told me to do once. This is where my heart has taken me. ConfusionangstexcitmentoverjoyedwhatintheworlddoIdonowohmygodwheredoIgofromhere?
The only place I need to go. I have never felt more peace than at this moment. I promise you, in the States, that I will be in touch as much as I can. Thank you for your constant support.
To change a slightly cliche phrase and make it my sign off line:
From Ecuador, with Love.
My regular contact with those of you in the United States is going to get more sporadic. I leave for Ecuador tomorrow. I have two flights, the first out of Boston to Miami, the second from Miami to Guayaquil, my home for the next year. Some of you may be wondering how I spent my last day. It was all such a blur I don't know if I can even recall it. We had a session about teaching all day, ultimate frisbee, 2 CVS trips, pasta for dinner, a birthday celebration (Happy Birthday Jenn!), an itinerary and logistics quick session, and now I'm sitting here on this computer typing up the last thing I'm going to be typing in the US for a while. What a weird feeling.
I checked out of this orientation in the afternoon. I can't remember what was said, probably gems and jewels of knowledge I need to know for my time down there. The relevance of each presentation was incredible, but I don't know what it will be like. I don't know what it will be like trying to remember everything I've learned here when an Ecuadorian child tells me about his familial relationships. I don't know if I'll remember everything I've learned here having my first fight with community members. I don't know if I'll remember everything I've learned here when I get into difficult situations, when the culture shock sets in, when I have to meet new neighbors or protect myself from other people around the neighborhood.
We have a prayer tonight that's going to commission my community and I as we go off into our adventure. I don't know when I'll see all of the JVs again. Now the uncertainty hits. We're being whisked away in an airplane to a place I don't know about and all I can do is write in this blog and hope that tomorrow goes off without a hitch, I arrive at Guayaquil and we are welcomed with grand smiles and hugs. How did it get to this point again?
This is crazy. My life has taken me to the precipice of an adventure I never thought I would undertake. My heart has lead me here because I followed it as a wise woman told me to do once. This is where my heart has taken me. ConfusionangstexcitmentoverjoyedwhatintheworlddoIdonowohmygodwheredoIgofromhere?
The only place I need to go. I have never felt more peace than at this moment. I promise you, in the States, that I will be in touch as much as I can. Thank you for your constant support.
To change a slightly cliche phrase and make it my sign off line:
From Ecuador, with Love.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Keeping Quiet
Yesterday's sessions were productive. First, we talked about a process called Concientization (spelling?), which was thought up by Paolo Feire (spelling?). It talks about a certain way to meet oppressed people in a constructive way that gives them dignity using things including but not limited to dialogue and no neutrality. Then we talked about the realities of crossing cultures, where we were told that we will all experience culture shock, whether we like it or not. This is an interesting thing to face: knowing that you're going to face something before you have to face it, knowing that, no matter how much one can prepare, it won't do anything because this something will still happen either way. It's good we live in community, because this probably would be a lot harder if one were to be living alone. Finally, we listened to a panel of about seven other former volunteers who gave us a somewhat candid look at volunteer life from the field. They told us their stories and talked to us after our evening prayer, but I want to focus on our evening prayer.
We were given a sheet of poetry last night for our evening prayer, and the one poem we used was one of the most profound things I've ever read. Pablo Neruda was writing from a Chileno perspective, but his insights cross cultures and really resonated with me. The last stanza of the poem really spoke to me, and I wanted to share it with everyone. I must say I did not live the life of a volunteer for the last six weeks before I came here. I'll be honest about that. I very much enjoyed my time with all of my friends, Christine, and my family, but reading this poem made me realize how sometimes it is necessary just to stop. We cannot live life without reflecting on it, or else we will never understand the secrets life has for us.
"Keeping Quiet"
Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.
This one time upon the earth,
let's not speak any language,
let's stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.
It would be a delicious moment,
without hurry, without locomotives,
all of us would be together
in a sudden uneasiness.
The fishermen in the cold sea
would do no harm to the whales
and the peasant gathering salt
would look at his torn hands.
Those who prepare green wars,
wars of gas, wars of fire,
victories without survivors,
would put on clean clothing
and would walk alongside their brothers
in the shade, without doing a thing.
What I want shouldn't be confused with final inactivity:
life alone is what matters,
I want nothing to do with death.
If we weren't unanimous
about keeping our lives so much in motion,
if we could do nothing for once,
perhaps a great silence would
interrupt this sadness,
this never understanding ourselves
and threatening ourselves with death,
perhaps the earth is teaching us
when everything seems to be dead
and then everything is alive.
Now I will count to twelve
and you keep quiet and I'll go.
We were given a sheet of poetry last night for our evening prayer, and the one poem we used was one of the most profound things I've ever read. Pablo Neruda was writing from a Chileno perspective, but his insights cross cultures and really resonated with me. The last stanza of the poem really spoke to me, and I wanted to share it with everyone. I must say I did not live the life of a volunteer for the last six weeks before I came here. I'll be honest about that. I very much enjoyed my time with all of my friends, Christine, and my family, but reading this poem made me realize how sometimes it is necessary just to stop. We cannot live life without reflecting on it, or else we will never understand the secrets life has for us.
"Keeping Quiet"
Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.
This one time upon the earth,
let's not speak any language,
let's stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.
It would be a delicious moment,
without hurry, without locomotives,
all of us would be together
in a sudden uneasiness.
The fishermen in the cold sea
would do no harm to the whales
and the peasant gathering salt
would look at his torn hands.
Those who prepare green wars,
wars of gas, wars of fire,
victories without survivors,
would put on clean clothing
and would walk alongside their brothers
in the shade, without doing a thing.
What I want shouldn't be confused with final inactivity:
life alone is what matters,
I want nothing to do with death.
If we weren't unanimous
about keeping our lives so much in motion,
if we could do nothing for once,
perhaps a great silence would
interrupt this sadness,
this never understanding ourselves
and threatening ourselves with death,
perhaps the earth is teaching us
when everything seems to be dead
and then everything is alive.
Now I will count to twelve
and you keep quiet and I'll go.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Adjustment Disorders
Today has been a productive day. We had a talk in the morning regarding Catholic Social Teaching, went over some things concerning Safety and Security, and had an impromptu lunch with a former RdC volunteer named Mike. These three events were really great and have helped me get into the spirit of RdC more this orientation, much like many of the other talks and programs the orientation team has put together.
This afternoon's talk, though, was very grounded and touched me in an interesting way. Fr. Jack Butler (I think his first name was Jack...) gave a fantastic talk on the broad topic of Mental Health while away on this trip. He went over core things that we needed to keep in mind (exercise, sleep, nutrition and being open), made sure we understood that building community is different than being best friend with everyone that one lives with, and to make sure to look out for addictive personalities. I listened to this talk with rapt attention. I loved his style of talking, very plain, didn't pull any punches. He wanted us to understand the gravity of the things that could happen while away in a different country. It made me wonder.
How much do I really know about myself? How much can I really know about myself, and with what I do know about myself, how well do I know those parts? Why did I decide to do RdC in the first place? Have I already divulged too much information about myself to my community-mates already? All of these things circle my mind as I type this. It's a difficult thing to know when one has gone too far and one has not gone far enough in terms of sharing what one feels. Communication is a must and love has to permeate everything. The one thing I'll remember most about the talk is that we have to make sure to meet people where they're at and help them understand where we are as well.
I guess my fear is that I'm not really sure where I'm at right now. This orientation has been a sort of "limbo" feeling for me. I'm excited to leave, but I'm enjoying my stay at BC immensely. My mind is in Monte Sinai and right now. I'm confused as to focus on my time here or to begin to refocus on the new community I'm about to enter into. It's difficult to know that balance right now I guess. I think it'll take time and a lot of patience. I suppose in one week I won't have a choice. I'll be in Monte Sinai and then everything will sync up.
The further I delve into orientation, though, the more I feel like I am becoming more conscious of the things to help me prepare for this adventure. The journey continues.
This afternoon's talk, though, was very grounded and touched me in an interesting way. Fr. Jack Butler (I think his first name was Jack...) gave a fantastic talk on the broad topic of Mental Health while away on this trip. He went over core things that we needed to keep in mind (exercise, sleep, nutrition and being open), made sure we understood that building community is different than being best friend with everyone that one lives with, and to make sure to look out for addictive personalities. I listened to this talk with rapt attention. I loved his style of talking, very plain, didn't pull any punches. He wanted us to understand the gravity of the things that could happen while away in a different country. It made me wonder.
How much do I really know about myself? How much can I really know about myself, and with what I do know about myself, how well do I know those parts? Why did I decide to do RdC in the first place? Have I already divulged too much information about myself to my community-mates already? All of these things circle my mind as I type this. It's a difficult thing to know when one has gone too far and one has not gone far enough in terms of sharing what one feels. Communication is a must and love has to permeate everything. The one thing I'll remember most about the talk is that we have to make sure to meet people where they're at and help them understand where we are as well.
I guess my fear is that I'm not really sure where I'm at right now. This orientation has been a sort of "limbo" feeling for me. I'm excited to leave, but I'm enjoying my stay at BC immensely. My mind is in Monte Sinai and right now. I'm confused as to focus on my time here or to begin to refocus on the new community I'm about to enter into. It's difficult to know that balance right now I guess. I think it'll take time and a lot of patience. I suppose in one week I won't have a choice. I'll be in Monte Sinai and then everything will sync up.
The further I delve into orientation, though, the more I feel like I am becoming more conscious of the things to help me prepare for this adventure. The journey continues.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Jumpoff
Orientation has begun. Yesterday was painful. I left my dad and his wife and Christine...leaving Christine was probably one of the hardest things to do. I felt as if something was being pried away from my heart...Christ said it would be challenging. Christ said I would need to give up everything to follow Him. I suppose he didn't expect anyone not to feel this hurt or pain when they took up their cross. But I know my parents and Christine have similar crosses to bear. It's good to know that. I went to sleep early last night because of the emotionality of the evening. It was difficult to get into last night's festivities and learning everybody's name because my head and heart were elsewhere.
Today, on the other hand, was awesome. I finally got to see some pictures of the community I'll be living in and learned more about the mission, vision and Way of Life of RdC. I was able to bond with some of the people in my group, especially my in country community in Monte Sinai. Jenn, Marita, Becky and Aaron are awesome people, and I'm so excited to live with them. Talking with the other volunteers working with RdC has been awesome too. We all seem like we have similar expectations and mindsets entering this year, and I hope that we all can converge on our communal living and come together.
I have eight days left in the United States. What a weird feeling of excitement, anxiousness and hope. Hopefully Christine will come online so I can chat with her. Thank God for the people here because they are so supportive of everyone else. Looks like community life is beginning already.
Today, on the other hand, was awesome. I finally got to see some pictures of the community I'll be living in and learned more about the mission, vision and Way of Life of RdC. I was able to bond with some of the people in my group, especially my in country community in Monte Sinai. Jenn, Marita, Becky and Aaron are awesome people, and I'm so excited to live with them. Talking with the other volunteers working with RdC has been awesome too. We all seem like we have similar expectations and mindsets entering this year, and I hope that we all can converge on our communal living and come together.
I have eight days left in the United States. What a weird feeling of excitement, anxiousness and hope. Hopefully Christine will come online so I can chat with her. Thank God for the people here because they are so supportive of everyone else. Looks like community life is beginning already.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Packing, Part Two: All that I can't keep
I'm sitting at a desktop computer at the Bedford Plaza Hotel in Bedford, MA. Christine is sitting next to me, kissing me on the arm. My dad and his wife, Anastazya, are walking out of the hotel to make a phone call to my Aunt, who is staying near our hotel. We may go see her tonight. It's been a great past few days, but for the next week or so, I will not have this much free time. Orientation should clear up some things, but it should also give me some insight into what exactly my year will be like.
I left my cell phone and laptop at home. I'm leaving my Ipod with my dad. I'm leaving behind all of my friends and family and Christine. It's going to be really difficult. It has been really difficult. But today I also just realized what I am going to have down there: my community of volunteers, new faces, new challenges, and new experiences. These are the things I'm going to have while in Ecuador, and they will be mysterious but necessary.
Tomorrow will be full of tears, but I know that I'll make it. All that I can't keep are things that I hope I will find when I return. Sometimes you have to let things go before they become even bigger parts of your life.
Tomorrow will be full of tears, but I know that I'll make it. All that I can't keep are things that I hope I will find when I return. Sometimes you have to let things go before they become even bigger parts of your life.
Christine is awesome. She rocks my world. She is coming to visit in 4 months and I'm counting down the days already. PS-she's gorgeous. PPS-she had NOTHING to do with writing this section.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Packing, Part One: The Beginning
I'm sitting in my computer chair drinking chocolate milk. I have my fan going and my windows open. I'm typing on my Macbook, listening to the sound of my washer tumble dry my pairs of jeans and khakis. A blue flashlight, small black photo album, blue blanket, and two suit cases are still, laying on my floor in different places. My bed is unmade, and I know I've been on this computer for entirely too long. I'm getting my fingerprints done today, getting my third (and final) rabies shot tomorrow, taking the GREs on thursday, and partying it up with my friends on friday. Saturday will be bittersweet, spending it with family and Christine (my girlfriend of three years). Why all of this description, a reader may think. This seems a bit superfluous. Why doesn't he just get to the point?
I've still got a few days here in the States. I want to take everything in so that when I'm gone I can have memories. It's tough packing away life into a green duffle bag and a black carry-on. I've packed all of my t-shirts and collard shirts, collected all of my boxers and washed all of my pants. Everything takes time, but this point really came up fast. How did I get here, graduated and on the verge of leaving my life I've known for so long for a year?
Now, don't get me wrong. I am excited as all get up for this. I remember getting the call from Elyse (one of my bosses), when she told me that they were going to offer me a position with them. I felt in my mind like I had reached the pinnacle of my academic and extra-curricular achievements. I couldn't contain myself: I pumped my fist on the phone while mouthing "I got the position!" to my boss Beth. I ran out of Campus Ministry and called my dad, then Christine. I think I have found what I am meant to do for the next year.
It's just tough realizing what I have to leave behind to pursue what I want to do.
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