The Beginning and The End

I needed to get this out before I left AJS and got to a place where cyber access wasn´t as easy. Today we decidedon a day for us to return to the US. Now I have a date and a place that I´m going back to, and it is so bittersweet. This won´t be too long of a post, but it´s just to express that I´m now on a timeline for being here. It´s strange.

Perhaps it won´t bother me everyday. I´ll be able to focus on the coordinating position in Bastion Popular and I´ll able focus on Holy week ahead of me, being that us in sinai have such a big role in the parish there. I´ll be spending as much time as I can with the neighbors I´ve grown to know and love and continue being myself here in Ecuador. Yet, to be honest, I can feel it in the back of my mind already beginning to embed itself. I can hear the whispers saying, "You have this much time left and then it´ll be over." What type of undue pressure will I put on myself by doing this?

Yet it is a natural human tendency to do: we see the end and begin to allow it to happen to us. It creeps up like a wall that looks small from far away but grows as it gets closer. It´s a daunting thing to think about even with all of the support I know I will have when I go home. A year of my life that has challenged, formed, and made me into a better man and a stronger person is just going to end and I have to return to a life that I am no longer accustmed to.

but it isn´t going to be like that. i´m not giving up a new life for a new life or visa versa. I´m just living. I´m just becoming the person who God wants me to be and this is all part of the plan. It´s not a beginning or an end. It´s the beginning and the end. The Alpha and the Omega. God has known, knows, and will know where my next steps lie. I just have to put trust in that and be content with the fact that I am living in the cross of Christ, the One.

New Languages

After this year one might say I´ve learned a new language. If you were to ask me, though, I´d argue that I´ve learned at least five, or probably up to 16 new languages. No, it´s not because I learned a few dialects of Quechua (although I do know a few simple words). It´s not because I´ve been short of things to do here in Ecuador and so I´ve taken up learning all the romantic, germanic and asian languages (although that would be pretty sweet). It´s from the simple fact that I´ve been living with four people and have been learning to communicate better with Christine. Along with this group, one could probably say that I´ve learned how to communicate better with my Dad as well.

It´s a strange thing to think about: all the people I named speak English, all the people I named are from similar backgrounds and have similar ways of viewing the world. The thing is that each person has these similarities, but that´s all they are: similarities. The differences everyone has in the way that they are raised, their life experiences, or even something as small as the books that they have read affect the way in which someone communicates with another person. And not only that, but in every single interaction and conversation, I also bring in my own values and experiences as well. So in every interaction, I´ve had to learn about another person in such a way that I can not only relate to them, but allow myself to take in their values and experiences as they take in mine.

Even further, I´ve also learned how to better communicate with myself. It sounds crazy, but I bet each and every one of you reading this has an internal language that you use when you think and process events and experiences that happen in your life. A lot of you may think that your voice is very passive, and say your actions are what speak for you. Some of you may keep a lot inside and use that internal voice. But one question I´ve been constantly asking myself is how do I communicate with myself, and what language is that internal voice speaking in? Is it self pity and doubt? Confidence? Ignorance? Self-denial? Faithfulness? Compassion?

I can say that this year the languages I´ve learned have brought me a lot of life and hope. Being able to communicate in Spanish with my neighbors is one thing, but being able to connect with people in that language is something different entirely. I have the priveledge and opportunity to hear the stories of these people who have come to be my friends and family down here. Their stories constantly humble me and make me realize that no matter what language we speak, we all speak the common human language: love, pain, triumph, and struggle.

And of course, in all of these language is the language of God. Because we are images of God on this earth, when we communicate with each other, God is present. So perhaps we should take some time and listen to each other and hear the language we´re really speaking. "If today you hear God´s voice, hearden not your heart."