Losing Weight

So, one of the weird, healthy (but unhealthy, sometimes) benifits of being here in Ecuador is losing weight. When I came down here I weighed about 225 pounds...now, after four months, I´m down to a slim (relatively so) 195. That´s the difference of about 30 pounds. The healthy schedule of weight loss is about 3 pounds per week per person, and so since i´ve been here for about 16 weeks, that actually isn´t that bad. And I feel a lot healthier, too: my food intake has been a mix of beans, rice, with the ocassional homemade pizza sneaking its way into my diet.

This is an unintended consequence of being here. My goal of being in Ecuador, nor did any of my thoughts go into, losing weight. It´s just an added consequence of being from the United States and loving to eat. I am able to eat like I do in the States because I have the option to choose the food that makes me heftier. Here, I don´t have that choice, which is an interesting reflection to think about. Living down here with people who eat this way everyday shows me that one can live on this little amount of food and still have not only a good life, but a very active and strong life as well.

And I see Ecuadorians doing manual labor everyday. They use the energy given to them by their food to good use. And when I ate, I would eat and sit, eat and sit, then walk around a little bit, then eat and sit some more. No wonder I ended up the way I did. No wonder there´s an obesity epidemic in our country. People have the option to eat and sit or eat and walk around and be active, and a lot of people eat and sit. I know very active people, so it´s not everyone. But the other reflection is that I´ve lost all this weight just by walking around my neighborhood, meeting people, allowing myself to experience the life of Ecuadorians daily by taking buses and actively choosing to walk places.

Of course, I don´t really want to loose more weight than this, although I probably will. And that´s not a bad thing, so long as I´m losing it doing this like I said above. Perhaps people in the States should just get out of their house and meet their neighbors, walk, and share in their lives. That sounds healthy to me.

Me Encanta. Me Encanta todo Eso

"Me encanta. Me encanta todo eso." This means, "I love it. I love all of this."

As I sat in the Terminal Terrestre, I came to a realization over a double quarter pounder with cheese. I came to the terminal with an errand to run: I needed to buy pupitos for my guitar, which is necessary given the scope of my work. After this errand, I wandered the terminal and found the buses that went between provinces, so I jotted down some information. Finally, I stopped for a bite to eat.

In the terminal, there aren´t cane houses, heat from the sun, water barrels, the sound of roosters and water trucks, babies and families, sounds that I´ve grown accustomed to. Only the sounds of shuffling feet, private conversations, and the exchange of money. As I sat over my burger, I looked at the TV and saw "American Gladiators" flashing in front of one Ecuadorian man, alone, sipping a McDonald´s cup, seemingly mesmerized.

I suddenly became aware of what I was doing in the terminal and what everyone else was doing as well: I was being from the United States, or as we say in the US, being "American." I was eating a doube quarter pounder with Cheese, watching television, and sitting. I was consuming goods physically and monetarily, and it felt normal. My discomfort with this idea then lead me to buy a chocolate bar, a I ate half of it before I caught myself.

It seems that this is what being American is, and what we´re trained to do in the US is consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. The show was translated so people could understand it, but I´ve never needed that. Everything is given to me in my language, and has been for 22 years.

People want to be American and as I walked from the McDonald´s with my chocolate bar, I realized that I was, too, because consuming, walking through a mall and being served is what we are trained to do. From a young age, "americans" are brought to places that have familiar advertising slogans or faces and we want to obtain them. We want to spend and spend because that´s the American way: consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. We don´t watch the world and understand what we´re doing to them.

As I write this, I sit on a rickety bus. A woman sleeps in front of me as I travel back from this experience to the place I live, a farcry from where I was. I feel sorry for everyone who sees me and thinks that because I´m American I am the world that everyone watches on TV. The truth is I´ve stepped off that stage and joined the crowd. Yet that slogan still brings me back to a world that I once kne, that loves consuming, sitting, and allowing the world to watch by commanding it, a hypnotic and seductive phrase that will always make people want to be American:

"Me ecanta. Me encanta todo eso."

How to Feel in Light of Sacrafices

This is an interesting feeling.

I walked into the cyber late morning and checked my email. I read a few from someone I care about, one that engenders me to keep praying harder and harder. I looked on my facebook and saw pictures from an event I wish I could have been at...marking the second big thing in this person´s life I´ve missed out on by choice. I am missing a lot at home with shows and so many other things I could be doing there that it makes my eyes well up a little and my throat get tight.

Yet, I´m here, living with one paved road and people I don´t know. I have to pay for my internet usage and learn a new language. Every day I take a bus to a place that I am still learning to love, and when I come back home I´m too exhausted to think about all of these things. Now that I´m thinking about them it makes me wonder: How do I feel about what I´ve sacraficed? The sacrafice of comfort, the sacrafice of presence, the sacrafice of language, the sacrafice of all I´ve known for twenty-two years. And I´m here, writing on this blog about it, not knowing how to feel.

My heart breaks and soars when things bad and good happen among the one I hold dear and my friends. Today has been a rush of those emotions, and I can´t talk to anyone about it at the moment because I have trouble expressing myself in Spanish. No one around can talk to me either because I have trouble understanding it. It´s all some sort of emotional roller coaster because I´m apart from the only four other people around who can understand me.

Yet I need to be self sufficient and begin to start dealing with these things alone. I´m not going to be able to have people constantly around me all of my life, no matter how much I desire that. The reality of human life comes from the fact that we will all end up alone at some point in our lives, and I suppose at this moment, at this computer, I kind of feel like that. I miss being able to console my loved ones and cherish the joys that they feel on a daily basis. I miss giving them a call to hang out and shoot the breeze with me. And now I´m living with the choice I´ve made to go without that for the next year.

It´s been three months now and I think I´ve just begun to hit the point of this experience: through sacrafice comes discomfort. Through discomfort comes growth. Through growth comes destruction. Through destruction comes creation. I am constantly desmantled by God, and it looks like God´s doing it again. Slowly, but surely. And when I am desmantled, I hope to understand where God is taking me and what God is doing with me.

Coups aren´t as scary as the history books say they are...

I don´t think as many people heard about this in the states, so for those of you who didn´t, here´s what has happened here in Ecuador. Last thursday, President Raphael Correa was giving a speech in Quito where he announced that he was going to reduce the salary of national police officers so he could help fund some other programs for the poor here in Ecuador. Heckled during his speech, Correa responded by saying, "if you and to kill me, than kill me!" and dramatically undid his tie and buttoned his shirt. As he was walking to his car, someone in the crowd threw tear gas, the president was placed into a gas mask, and taken by car to a hospital to treat an already existing injury to his leg. What nobody realized (apparently...although I don´t quite know how this happened) is that the drivers took him to the hospital for the National Police. So for the day, Correa was sequestered in the hospital, and the National police sequestered him there. That night, a group of Special Forces came into the hospital and freed Correa, bringing him back to the Presidential Palace safely.

There were protests and a few police riots in Guayaquil. In Quito, things were a lot worse, especially among the police. But this instance did some things to my community and me. We were not allowed to go to work friday and stayed mostly indoors saturday and sunday. We spent a whole lot of time together, and I keep thinking to myself how this is the first blessing in desguise out of the whole situation. Through so much unrest, people come together and show each other care and concern. We all were making light of the situation (we wanted to make coup-kies, and other foods that sounded like the word "coup"), but it drew us all together. I felt like I was part of the national consciousness, too: I was a little afriad, and I wanted a peaceful resolution to the situation, which happened yesterday.

The second blessing in disguise is realizing how much the political system here in Ecuador is not too much different than in the United States. It´s ok, scratch your head. Why would I say that? Well, what happened here was classic: those who had been making money and possessed power were having a little bit of their power taken away, which lead to protests and violence because of the power infringement by the president. I think of the situation in the US, and I see a group of people (mainly the TEA party), angry that they are being taxed too much, and therefore, protesting and using violence in their language to try and get that power back. It´s all an ebb and flow: Those who have power will keep power for a while, but when this power is infringed upon (which always happens, inevitably), those who have the power want to keep it, and fight to do so.

I suppose I need to listen to the words of Christ. "In the Kingdom of God, the last shall be first, and the first shall be last." I am priveledged in the world. I have a college education, a car, a house, and a future to think about with a beautiful girlfriend and the world at my finger tips. The people here in Monte Sinai have none of these things, only family, neighbors, and the work of their hands. A neighbor of mine was up all night last night, but can´t go to sleep because he has to keep his store open to make money. I will never have to go through that, but I want to try and begin to understand what that must be like.

We have a conversation ongoing in our house. Can we ever be live in the world of the poor as people from the US? I don´t think that´s possible, but by the simple act of trying to understand it, something is being done: a transferrance of stories so that I can return them to the world and give them the respect they deserve. The news will never report about these people, only those people who have a loud enough voice. Well, I have a loud enough voice, and I´m not afraid to use it.

Books, books, and more books

In Ecuador, there´s really not a whole lot do outside of work and neighborhood time. We have prayer every night, and we also have spirituality and community nights once every week, but other than that, there´s a lot of down time. We´ve been spending it in community a lot, but I´ve found myself getting wrapped up in books. Not just any books though: I find that I try to pick books that are from known writers or from titles that I´ve heard of in the past. Or writers that I´ve heard of from elsewhere. So far, I´ve read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, Radical Compassion by Gary Smith, SJ, The Shack by William Young, and now I´m reading Sex God: The Endless Connection between Spirituality and Sexuality by Rob Bell, a pastor at an Evangelical church. Each book has given me interesting thoughts and feelings after I´ve finished them, and I marvel at the transferrance of ideas between people.

What might this be, you may ask? Well, I think it´s interesting that words can translate such meaning to people. The fact that I could read a book and have my own beliefs rocked a little bit, challenged, questioned, is interesting. What´s even more interesting is that it doesn´t have to happen with someone sitting directly in front of me. It happens through a piece of paper. Someone sat down, penned these words down, and they were published for everyone to see, read, and injest, so that they, too, can make this a part of their own beliefs and life. How fascinating is that?

Then I think, well, the difference between a book and a person is a lifeforce. I go over to neighbor´s houses, and no doubt some of them can´t read. No doubt some of them can´t look at words on a page and understand what they mean. But yet, whenever I speak with them it´s like the pages of an incredible story coming to life. It´s like a real life version of your favorite stories: A Tale of Two Cities? Look at the lives of people in Monte Sinai and the Puntilla. Death of a Salesman? Look at the thousands of fathers here, trying to make an honest and help their families succeed, but are stuck in their old ways, struggling in jobs that don´t make that much money, hoping that they can keep their jobs for another way. Every day I can talk to someone who experiences these stories first hand, in life.

So then, it seems, a lifeforce is found in the pages of each book. Through the simple fact that I crack the spine of a book I´m asking it to pour out the beliefs and leanings of its author. And yet, there are also those who don´t crack spines, but yet still pour their beliefs and leanings out to me, so that I may learn and injest these things into my own life. Which makes me wonder: is there anything that doesn´t bring life? Is there anything in the world that doesn´t somehow allow life to take place? Even in this place, where cane houses and dirt roads are common place, where every family is striving to better their lives for their children, hoping to make enough money to continue building a more sufficient living space, life can take place, and it takes place to the fullest.

In the end, I don´t know if this blog entry makes a lot of sense. Words, books, lifeforces, life. The transferrance of life. The way people live. Reading books brings life to all people because people´s lives are in the books, fiction or not. Talking to people here is like reading a book because people´s lives are in the stories they tell. Maybe everything in life leads people to life, even the tradgedies. Jeez, this makes me want to read a good book.

What´s going on down here?

I haven´t had a lot of time to get to blogging. It´s been a slight dry spell from my other weeks of frequent updating. For that I am sorry for all of you avid readers of my thoughts; I´m so blessed to have so many people following this blog! I want to say, straight away, that I have been reflecting on all of the support I´ve been getting back home. Whether it be from those who donated to my cause monetarily, or those who continue to donate through letters, graduation pictures (Meaghan!) or facebook/gchatting, I am certainly feeling the love down here from the States. Thank you all so much!

Now, as for my time here recently. It seems like things have been becoming a little routine. During the weeks I´ve been waking up, walking around the barrio, coming home, getting on the bus and going to work, working, returning from work, having communiy dinner, having community prayer, and going to sleep. This simple structure has varied, thogh: we throw in weekly spirituality and community nights, which gives the week some flavor. There is also some leighway with neighborhood time as well: I never know who I am going to meet, who´s going to approach me, or even if I´ll be able to respond and understand what the person is saying. Recently I´ve been going around alone, too, which has been a rush because I´m gaining more confidence in speaking to people around. Like I said earlier: it´s becoming a little routine, but there are certainly enough variables in my day to keep it fresh.

Last night I ran community night, and I introduced everyone to the craziness of my personality using (my favorite) improv. We played Zip-Zap-Zop, Zoom-Schwartz-Profigliano, and 21, and although I was a little afraid my community wasn´t going to enjoy it, they threw themselves in it and we had a blast. It was especially fun playing Caveman 21. If you´re reading this and don´t know what the hell I´m saying, don´t worry, that´s normal. Improv is something that has become such a part of my life that I am excited to tell/show everyone about it. And, one may be saying, "What does improv have to do with community?"

Well, I think the most important thing is that, especially using those games, improv builds community. One of the most important rules of improv is that you have to clear your mind and just be during each game, allow the game to happen to you and not anticipate what´s going to happen. In community life, this is essential; I can´t pretend to expect this community to be like the communities I lived in with Leaderworx. I can´t expect my community members to be my friends forever (although, the way things are going, it may just turn out that way). I just have to live with them and try to understand them as they are, not as they once were, or as they will be. All five of us have lived through the past and not yet made it to the future, we must live now. This is a useful thought to have when living in community, and living in general.

The one thing that doing improv made me do was miss doing improv back in the states with On the Fly. I don´t think the people in the ensemble realize this, but as silly as this will sound (and probably corny), doing improv really opened me up more and allowed me to have the ganas to put myself out there more than I could before. It gave me more courage and encouragment to just be myself and be happy with that. It´s a blessing to know that I have such a community back home, where I can just be myself and not have to worry about judgments or preconcieved notions. I can just be, and not worry about it.

One more thing to write about, and then I´ll stop. Yesterday morning our local priest, Father John, came by our house to pick up Aaron for a trip into Guayaquil centro. He walked in and approached me, sat down at our table, and began talking to me about the music ministry here. He said that he was impressed by my work with the guitaristas at St. Theresa, a capilla under the parroquia Bautismo de Jesus, and he wanted me to have more responsibility in the main parish church, Corpus Cristi. He wanted me to begin thinking up music for each month, and wanted to work with me to get the whole parish to participate not only in the pews, but also in a possible music group that the parish can form. In a nutshell, he said that I need to take charge of the music in the parish.

Now, it sounded awesome at the time. I was really excited, although overwhelmed. I didn´t know where to begin, espeically since everyone down here doesn´t read music and uses solfedge when they play music (translating guitar chords was difficult). The only thing is that we currently have another music group from another parish coming to play every Sunday at the big parish, and they are fantastic. THey have built up music in that parish already, and the last thing I want to do is step on toes or invalidate all of the hard work they´ve done. That wouldn´t be fair to them. So today I´m going to talk to Father John about how I wouldn´t be comfortable with taking over the ministry unless they continued to be involved until they wanted to stop. I can´t be part of slowly pushing that group out of our parish.

I think that´s about all for now. I wish all of you in the states saludos, and thank you for all the support again. KEEP SENDING ME MAIL/LETTERS! It´s awesome!!!

From Ecuador, with love.

I thought I had something...

So I´m sitting here at the Monte Sinai cyber (which just got internet), and I remember sitting down with an idea for a blog entry but now I have forgotten what it is. I think that´s one of my ultimate problems: forgetting ideas. I´m a very absent minded person and I always have been, but I just wish sometimes I would remember why I open up my blog and decide to write in it.

Perhaps it was about my community´s ongoing conversation concerning faith and God. I don´t quite know how to go into that in this public of a forum, but suffice to say that it´s been a very enriching and "life-giving" (a phrase used a lot down here) conversation. Maybe that´s something I can just go on. I am a very absent minded person unless I constantly remind myself of important things, like, for example, my family´s constant support, or my three year anniversary with Christine is this Wednesday, or her phone number, or her address, or her constant loyalty and feelings for me, or the fact that I have all sorts of friends in the states that care for me. Every day I wake up thanking God for these things in my life, and they become a larger part of my reality while I´m down here so that, as I immerse myself in the culture down here, I can explain better to people (and to myself) who I am and why I do what I do.

The ¨life giving¨part of this conversation about faith here in Monte Sinai has been that I am constantly reminding myself of the aspects of my faith that I can loose. Being in Ecuador and worrying about getting on the correct bus, making sure I´m being safe, keep in touch with the Dúran volunteers, setting up visits with neighbors, etc., can tend to take up most of my time, to the point where I am so focused on those things my faith gets lost in the shuffle. It´s not like at SJU where I was always surrounded by it with statues and chapel choir and sju weekly service. Here, faith is a little more abstract because there isn´t a controlled space where I can express it like in Wolfington or in the Chapel.

The value in this, though, is that I can begin to formulate a vocabulary for expressing my faith outside of these controlled venues. The opportunity for faith discourse here is much; we have daily night prayer and weekly spirituality night. But these things are intentional choices we all take to make faith discourse happen. I have to make that choice every single night to make sure that I am being open and honest about my faith so that I can constantly remind myself about my whole faith. It´s not just about jusice, it´s about faith. It´s not just about faith, it´s about justice. And if I don´t take that step to remind myself by sharing my faith with others, I am missing the opportunity to really build on my foundation of faith.

It may be Aristotelean of me, but repetition seems to work well when building faith. I keep on reminding myself of the depth of Christ´s love for me and for the world that I become less absent minded and become more open minded to those around me and the faith that leads me to justice as well as the justice that leads to my faith. Huh, this turned out to be a better blog entry than I thought. Maybe I should start making lists...or maybe I should just always forget about my blog entry ideas. Especially because it allows me to be more vulnerable on here. Here´s to faith, justice, and word vomit, I suppose.