I've been home for about a month and a half. I say home, and I really do mean home. Evidently it's suggested that people tell a former international volunteer "welcome back" instead of "welcome home," in case their definition of home has changed since their volunteer year. I really do feel like this is home because this is where I'm from, where I started before I went down to Ecuador. If I hadn't been home first, I wouldn't have been able to spend an entire year away from it, learning everything that it was through the people I lived with and my neighbors in the community. Their voices still ring in my ear and my heart.
I've been seeing an inordinate amount of friends and making new ones up here in Boston. I've spent time with my family and reconnected with them in a new way. I've been three weeks into a graduate school education that has been demanding, challenging, but exactly what I'm called to do. My job is a wonderful way to live out the values I learned in Ecuador by bringing first year students to weekly and community service. All in all I've been riding pretty high.
Yes, I do have my low points. I've been realizing just how different I am after the year in that I feel awkward in social situations of people from the United States. Sometimes I just don't know what to say or how to act. I feel like people look at me differently or think that I'm a little big unhinged after I tell them that I was down for a year in Ecuador, which is usually immediately followed by a short question and answer and then a small silence. I appreciate these questions, but I realize the difficulty I put on other people by telling them that I was out of this country for a year to live in a developing nation. I wouldn't know what else to ask, either.
It's been an up and down experience so far. I have the support of my wonderful girlfriend, Christine, who's been willing to listen to me and encourage me to be more open about everything. There's a great contingent of former volunteers here that has shown me that one can live a great life after Ecuador and meld those experiences to one's own life. The School of Theology and Ministry is giving me many lenses in which to see my experience, and opportunities to live that out through masses and choirs and other things. I suppose, as I write in this relic of the past year, looking back on everything, and looking at where I am now, I feel pretty good. God's grace and love is with me, and if I continue walking in God's path, I will not falter.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
The Name of this Blog
This blog´s name is "El Imagen del Rostro de Cristo," which translates to "The Image of the Face of Christ." I remember talking to a good friend of mine about the name of it, and telling this person that I was referencing the story when Veronica placed a cloth on Christ´s face. After she took the cloth off His face, an image of His face was present there, something that she probably looked at and venerated for the rest of her life and was recounted in the gospel that was written a time later. Looking back on the name, it seems to be a proper choice.
We have two weeks left here. Well, now a little less than two weeks. The new volunteers are almost finished with orientation, we are planning our despedida, and I am saying goodbye to my co-workers and my newly found friendships with my community and Ecuadorain neighbors. When I arrived here these days seemed so far away, but now that they are here, I am wondering where all the time seems to have gone.
As I prepare for my return to the United States, I look back on this year and realize the imprint of Christ´s face in my life. It is on my heart, for now I look at people and relationships with more care and joy than I did before. It is on my mind, for I now think about Christ in all of my actions and my words. It is on my spirit, for I now look at turmoil and suffering as part of something larger that I cannot understand, something that we are all working towards: the reign of God on this earth. We are all like Veronica, holding our lives in our hands and staring at Christ´s face right in front of us. It must be our choice to really look at it and venerate it, or just toss it to the ground and continue living.
After this year I hold on to this image of Christ that is indellibly marked in me forever: an image of a suffering Christ that knows the hope promised to Him from the foundation of the world, a image that is living and breathing through the life that I choose to live and make. It is an image that will forever be with me, and I will always live with it before me, greeting all those I meet in the imprint of Christ in my heart.
We have two weeks left here. Well, now a little less than two weeks. The new volunteers are almost finished with orientation, we are planning our despedida, and I am saying goodbye to my co-workers and my newly found friendships with my community and Ecuadorain neighbors. When I arrived here these days seemed so far away, but now that they are here, I am wondering where all the time seems to have gone.
As I prepare for my return to the United States, I look back on this year and realize the imprint of Christ´s face in my life. It is on my heart, for now I look at people and relationships with more care and joy than I did before. It is on my mind, for I now think about Christ in all of my actions and my words. It is on my spirit, for I now look at turmoil and suffering as part of something larger that I cannot understand, something that we are all working towards: the reign of God on this earth. We are all like Veronica, holding our lives in our hands and staring at Christ´s face right in front of us. It must be our choice to really look at it and venerate it, or just toss it to the ground and continue living.
After this year I hold on to this image of Christ that is indellibly marked in me forever: an image of a suffering Christ that knows the hope promised to Him from the foundation of the world, a image that is living and breathing through the life that I choose to live and make. It is an image that will forever be with me, and I will always live with it before me, greeting all those I meet in the imprint of Christ in my heart.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Numbered Days
It´s a month and 5 days away: what most current volunteers dread and say they want to miss . It´s only that far until the end of our time here.
I´m sitting in my worksite updating this, and as much as that number makes me nervous, I really don´t have a lot to worry about. I´m returning to a fully paid for graduate school education, a place to live, my family, friends, girlfriend, and a job. Returning to the States with all of this to fall into is a true blessing, one that a lot of the friends I´ve made here will never know.
Yet these friends are going to be the ones that get left behind, at least physically. I won´t be able to just pass by Monica´s house and hang out with her and Valeria, my goddaughter. I won´t be able to call up Luisana and see if I can pass by her house and hang out with Katy and Anthony. I won´t be able to go to mass in Parroquia Bautismo de Jesús every week, help play music and lead the youth ministry. I won´t be able to help out at the Oratorio Salesiano anymore and interact with the students I´ve learned to love. I will be returning to great things in the States, but I am going to be leaving a lot of great things, too.
What matters, though, is that these people who I´ve grown to love are going to be part of who I am. Their stories have now become part of my story, and I want to continue living them out in my life. So while our time together may be coming to an end, our time as friends and companions in this life is only just beginning. After this year I could start counting the days that I remember them in my life. It would probably last for a very long time, a lifetime, perhaps.
Writing about it makes me realize it could be a lot worse. I´m stuck between a flower patch and a soft place, looking forward to a future that is bound to be everything that I want it to be, but looking back at a past full of love in spite of challenges. Let´s hope that as the numbers decrease I can continue with this attitude.
I´m sitting in my worksite updating this, and as much as that number makes me nervous, I really don´t have a lot to worry about. I´m returning to a fully paid for graduate school education, a place to live, my family, friends, girlfriend, and a job. Returning to the States with all of this to fall into is a true blessing, one that a lot of the friends I´ve made here will never know.
Yet these friends are going to be the ones that get left behind, at least physically. I won´t be able to just pass by Monica´s house and hang out with her and Valeria, my goddaughter. I won´t be able to call up Luisana and see if I can pass by her house and hang out with Katy and Anthony. I won´t be able to go to mass in Parroquia Bautismo de Jesús every week, help play music and lead the youth ministry. I won´t be able to help out at the Oratorio Salesiano anymore and interact with the students I´ve learned to love. I will be returning to great things in the States, but I am going to be leaving a lot of great things, too.
What matters, though, is that these people who I´ve grown to love are going to be part of who I am. Their stories have now become part of my story, and I want to continue living them out in my life. So while our time together may be coming to an end, our time as friends and companions in this life is only just beginning. After this year I could start counting the days that I remember them in my life. It would probably last for a very long time, a lifetime, perhaps.
Writing about it makes me realize it could be a lot worse. I´m stuck between a flower patch and a soft place, looking forward to a future that is bound to be everything that I want it to be, but looking back at a past full of love in spite of challenges. Let´s hope that as the numbers decrease I can continue with this attitude.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Learning How to Live
For the past (almost) two months I've been working at an after school program in Bastión Popular as the coordinator. It has been the most trying and challenging part of my year and has stretched me to places I never though I would stretch. It sounds bad, and there are days that I come home and just plop down in my seat and say, "did that really happen today?" But overall, I feel like I am winning over and am being won over by the kids who attend the program. Although I'll only have one more month after this, I think we've been able to cement relationships that, of course, will stay with me when I return to the United States.
Also for the past few months I've been continuing on in my process for attending Grad School at BC. I've forgotten how interviews and deadlines work sometimes, but I've managed, especially because I've been able to acquire housing and financial aid for the upcoming year. It's been quite the dichotomy between working on things for grad school and working here, seeing the opportunities that I'm going to have and the opportunities that will fall to the wayside for those who live here just because of their social class or where they were born. It's quite the experience.
What I'm realizing, out of everything here, is that one day can start out a-ok, with not a bother in the world, and then can end up really falling on its face, sometimes leaving me in a sort of daze, questioning my own effectiveness with my position here. The stories I've heard here have been of people who have overcome obstacles almost unbelievable, yet I'm seeing that each day one may have to struggle just to get to the other end of it. This struggle isn't wrong or bad or not the way to live life well, but it is life itself. Everyone struggles, everyone feels suffering and pain, everyone will come home and plop down on a seat and ask themselves, "did that really happend today?"
The more inspring thing, the thing that I really need to remember, is that it's certainly not just me going through this. And if you're reading this, it's not just you going through this, either. We're going through this because we are human, and in this humanity we are united under the love of God. Call it what you will (solidarity, altruism, compassion), but all of these things reflect the love of something greater than ourselves, something that we cannot explain with definition. Perhaps this is what we need to learn about life: that we all are in the same human family, struggling to live in the love of God.
Also for the past few months I've been continuing on in my process for attending Grad School at BC. I've forgotten how interviews and deadlines work sometimes, but I've managed, especially because I've been able to acquire housing and financial aid for the upcoming year. It's been quite the dichotomy between working on things for grad school and working here, seeing the opportunities that I'm going to have and the opportunities that will fall to the wayside for those who live here just because of their social class or where they were born. It's quite the experience.
What I'm realizing, out of everything here, is that one day can start out a-ok, with not a bother in the world, and then can end up really falling on its face, sometimes leaving me in a sort of daze, questioning my own effectiveness with my position here. The stories I've heard here have been of people who have overcome obstacles almost unbelievable, yet I'm seeing that each day one may have to struggle just to get to the other end of it. This struggle isn't wrong or bad or not the way to live life well, but it is life itself. Everyone struggles, everyone feels suffering and pain, everyone will come home and plop down on a seat and ask themselves, "did that really happend today?"
The more inspring thing, the thing that I really need to remember, is that it's certainly not just me going through this. And if you're reading this, it's not just you going through this, either. We're going through this because we are human, and in this humanity we are united under the love of God. Call it what you will (solidarity, altruism, compassion), but all of these things reflect the love of something greater than ourselves, something that we cannot explain with definition. Perhaps this is what we need to learn about life: that we all are in the same human family, struggling to live in the love of God.
Friday, April 15, 2011
The Beginning and The End
I needed to get this out before I left AJS and got to a place where cyber access wasn´t as easy. Today we decidedon a day for us to return to the US. Now I have a date and a place that I´m going back to, and it is so bittersweet. This won´t be too long of a post, but it´s just to express that I´m now on a timeline for being here. It´s strange.
Perhaps it won´t bother me everyday. I´ll be able to focus on the coordinating position in Bastion Popular and I´ll able focus on Holy week ahead of me, being that us in sinai have such a big role in the parish there. I´ll be spending as much time as I can with the neighbors I´ve grown to know and love and continue being myself here in Ecuador. Yet, to be honest, I can feel it in the back of my mind already beginning to embed itself. I can hear the whispers saying, "You have this much time left and then it´ll be over." What type of undue pressure will I put on myself by doing this?
Yet it is a natural human tendency to do: we see the end and begin to allow it to happen to us. It creeps up like a wall that looks small from far away but grows as it gets closer. It´s a daunting thing to think about even with all of the support I know I will have when I go home. A year of my life that has challenged, formed, and made me into a better man and a stronger person is just going to end and I have to return to a life that I am no longer accustmed to.
but it isn´t going to be like that. i´m not giving up a new life for a new life or visa versa. I´m just living. I´m just becoming the person who God wants me to be and this is all part of the plan. It´s not a beginning or an end. It´s the beginning and the end. The Alpha and the Omega. God has known, knows, and will know where my next steps lie. I just have to put trust in that and be content with the fact that I am living in the cross of Christ, the One.
Monday, April 4, 2011
New Languages
After this year one might say I´ve learned a new language. If you were to ask me, though, I´d argue that I´ve learned at least five, or probably up to 16 new languages. No, it´s not because I learned a few dialects of Quechua (although I do know a few simple words). It´s not because I´ve been short of things to do here in Ecuador and so I´ve taken up learning all the romantic, germanic and asian languages (although that would be pretty sweet). It´s from the simple fact that I´ve been living with four people and have been learning to communicate better with Christine. Along with this group, one could probably say that I´ve learned how to communicate better with my Dad as well.
It´s a strange thing to think about: all the people I named speak English, all the people I named are from similar backgrounds and have similar ways of viewing the world. The thing is that each person has these similarities, but that´s all they are: similarities. The differences everyone has in the way that they are raised, their life experiences, or even something as small as the books that they have read affect the way in which someone communicates with another person. And not only that, but in every single interaction and conversation, I also bring in my own values and experiences as well. So in every interaction, I´ve had to learn about another person in such a way that I can not only relate to them, but allow myself to take in their values and experiences as they take in mine.
Even further, I´ve also learned how to better communicate with myself. It sounds crazy, but I bet each and every one of you reading this has an internal language that you use when you think and process events and experiences that happen in your life. A lot of you may think that your voice is very passive, and say your actions are what speak for you. Some of you may keep a lot inside and use that internal voice. But one question I´ve been constantly asking myself is how do I communicate with myself, and what language is that internal voice speaking in? Is it self pity and doubt? Confidence? Ignorance? Self-denial? Faithfulness? Compassion?
I can say that this year the languages I´ve learned have brought me a lot of life and hope. Being able to communicate in Spanish with my neighbors is one thing, but being able to connect with people in that language is something different entirely. I have the priveledge and opportunity to hear the stories of these people who have come to be my friends and family down here. Their stories constantly humble me and make me realize that no matter what language we speak, we all speak the common human language: love, pain, triumph, and struggle.
And of course, in all of these language is the language of God. Because we are images of God on this earth, when we communicate with each other, God is present. So perhaps we should take some time and listen to each other and hear the language we´re really speaking. "If today you hear God´s voice, hearden not your heart."
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Future
This past weekend I found out my plan for next year: I am going to be a full time student working towards a Masters of Divinity at the Boston College School of Theology and Ministry. I am also still working on getting my things together for the peer ministry program there. It's all so close and yet so far; I feel like i'm standing inbetween the past and the future, and right now the future is beginning to overtake me.
Next year I'm going to be on a college campus in Boston, Massachussetts. If all goes well I will also be ministering to first year students and living on campus as well. I will be closer to Christine and be able to see her as much as possible. I will be reading and studying and doing all of these things I've taken a break from for the past year. I took a break from these things and have been living here in Mount Sinai, an invasion community in the city of Guayaquil, where there are little to no services (irregular trash pickup, no running wate, etc.), and our house is the biggest house in the entire sector. And now I'm anticipating having to make that transition back into an academic and social life that I haven't had for the past year.
It's crazy to be in between all of these things now. But I think, as I think about it more, I have a better chance of being ok in my head than I was with coming down here. And if I'm living between the past and the future, that must mean I'm living in the present, right? The future will come, and the past has already happened, but now is what I need to focus on. In all honesty, that is a difficult thing to do. But anticipating something takes a lot more energy than just sitting in the present and being happy with it.
Next year I'm going to be on a college campus in Boston, Massachussetts. If all goes well I will also be ministering to first year students and living on campus as well. I will be closer to Christine and be able to see her as much as possible. I will be reading and studying and doing all of these things I've taken a break from for the past year. I took a break from these things and have been living here in Mount Sinai, an invasion community in the city of Guayaquil, where there are little to no services (irregular trash pickup, no running wate, etc.), and our house is the biggest house in the entire sector. And now I'm anticipating having to make that transition back into an academic and social life that I haven't had for the past year.
It's crazy to be in between all of these things now. But I think, as I think about it more, I have a better chance of being ok in my head than I was with coming down here. And if I'm living between the past and the future, that must mean I'm living in the present, right? The future will come, and the past has already happened, but now is what I need to focus on. In all honesty, that is a difficult thing to do. But anticipating something takes a lot more energy than just sitting in the present and being happy with it.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Desert
2 and a half months. That´s the time that´s passed since I worked at my previous job in Bastion Popular. In those two and a half months I´ve had an incredible opportunity to begin to retool myself and make myself a better me, but it hasn´t come without its challenges. What it´s really taught me is that God really places people where God wants them to be at the exact moment in time that they need to be there, and I did need this desert, so that I could come out more focused on God´s will.
First things first, I had two wonderful oases inside of this desert. First was my visit from Christine, my girlfriend, that took place this past December. She only came for four days, but during those four days I realized how much closer we had become in our time apart. As soon as we hugged I knew something had changed between us, but it wasn´t a bad change, or a change to be afraid of. It was growth, a development of our love for each other for the five months we were apart. In those four days I realized the blessing she´s been in my life these past months, and this really pushed me to work on myself spiritually and emotionally so that I can be the best "me" I can be (more on that later).
The second oasis was the volunteer trip to Vilcabamba that we took the week following Christmas. It felt great to get out of Mount Sinai and just get lost in the scenery and the wilderness with a bunch of my good friends. We laughed, told stories and just enjoyed each others company. This really brought up my spirit and boosted my moral from sort of desolate. Being without a job does that to a person, and when we returned from our trip I was in the midst of entering a desert that would last for a while.
Towards the end of December, early January, we were greeted with a struggle over land. The land owner, Marcos Solis, and people like him were called "land traffickers" by the President of Ecuador, and when Solis fled the country, everyone came to take some of his land. People were moving in left and right. All of the comfort and knowing the neighbors in our neighborhood began to fade with all of these new faces and new people whom we didn´t know. On top of this, the government was beginning to knock down houses around our area because of "invaders" who took the land. So we were asked to house sit in our house to ensure that, if the government and military did in fact come, we could explain what a house like ours was doing here and present our land papers to them.
Because of my job loss, I was the one who did most of the house sitting by choice. My compañeros were out making plans and doing wonderful things around the community, and while house sitting preventing me from doing that, it also gave me time to reflect. I asked myself hard questions: Why was I here? What did I want my volunteer year to look like? Was it even worth it staying here? In my daze on the couch I found myself asking these questions and bringing myself closer and closer to starting again the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, until one day I just picked up the book and started.
In this action I began to understand what this time was going to mean for me. It meant a reconnection with Jesus, a time for me to realize my call from God more absolutely. And it truly has been. I´ve realized that in my past I thought a call from God meant that I needed to answer it alone by joining an order and becoming a priest or a monk. Now I realize how my call from God specifically asks me to be in relationship with others, my friends, family, and Christine. Because of Christine´s position in my life I´ve been reflecting mostly on our relationship together, and realizing that God´s call in my life requires that I make a decision either to follow it or to not, to choose my vocation and hold on to it or ignore it and believe that I have any control over my life. And yet, because I am willing to listen to God´s call in my humanity, despite its imperfections and misunderstandings, I know that what I want for myself is God´s will done in my life, and I know that my vocation involves another person there with me. In not as many words, the one I love who came to visit may be my vocation, and I am actively choosing that end for myself.
Because after the desert, Jesus began his public ministry and began to do God´s will in his life. He was thrown out of his own home town and questioned by the powerful and the rich, but the most important thing to Him was fulfilling the will of God in His life as well. In traveling with Christ I am able to see His life as full of the will to do what God wants of him, and in doing that, realizing that what He truly wants is the same that God wants. We do have free will, and we do have the power to take our lives into our own hands. We can do that with Christ or without Christ, and no matter what, we live with that decision. I don´t know how long I´ve been without Christ, and maybe the desert of the past 2 and a half months has lasted longer, but now I´m out on the other side and ready to begin living my life again inside of the Cross of Christ.
First things first, I had two wonderful oases inside of this desert. First was my visit from Christine, my girlfriend, that took place this past December. She only came for four days, but during those four days I realized how much closer we had become in our time apart. As soon as we hugged I knew something had changed between us, but it wasn´t a bad change, or a change to be afraid of. It was growth, a development of our love for each other for the five months we were apart. In those four days I realized the blessing she´s been in my life these past months, and this really pushed me to work on myself spiritually and emotionally so that I can be the best "me" I can be (more on that later).
The second oasis was the volunteer trip to Vilcabamba that we took the week following Christmas. It felt great to get out of Mount Sinai and just get lost in the scenery and the wilderness with a bunch of my good friends. We laughed, told stories and just enjoyed each others company. This really brought up my spirit and boosted my moral from sort of desolate. Being without a job does that to a person, and when we returned from our trip I was in the midst of entering a desert that would last for a while.
Towards the end of December, early January, we were greeted with a struggle over land. The land owner, Marcos Solis, and people like him were called "land traffickers" by the President of Ecuador, and when Solis fled the country, everyone came to take some of his land. People were moving in left and right. All of the comfort and knowing the neighbors in our neighborhood began to fade with all of these new faces and new people whom we didn´t know. On top of this, the government was beginning to knock down houses around our area because of "invaders" who took the land. So we were asked to house sit in our house to ensure that, if the government and military did in fact come, we could explain what a house like ours was doing here and present our land papers to them.
Because of my job loss, I was the one who did most of the house sitting by choice. My compañeros were out making plans and doing wonderful things around the community, and while house sitting preventing me from doing that, it also gave me time to reflect. I asked myself hard questions: Why was I here? What did I want my volunteer year to look like? Was it even worth it staying here? In my daze on the couch I found myself asking these questions and bringing myself closer and closer to starting again the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, until one day I just picked up the book and started.
In this action I began to understand what this time was going to mean for me. It meant a reconnection with Jesus, a time for me to realize my call from God more absolutely. And it truly has been. I´ve realized that in my past I thought a call from God meant that I needed to answer it alone by joining an order and becoming a priest or a monk. Now I realize how my call from God specifically asks me to be in relationship with others, my friends, family, and Christine. Because of Christine´s position in my life I´ve been reflecting mostly on our relationship together, and realizing that God´s call in my life requires that I make a decision either to follow it or to not, to choose my vocation and hold on to it or ignore it and believe that I have any control over my life. And yet, because I am willing to listen to God´s call in my humanity, despite its imperfections and misunderstandings, I know that what I want for myself is God´s will done in my life, and I know that my vocation involves another person there with me. In not as many words, the one I love who came to visit may be my vocation, and I am actively choosing that end for myself.
Because after the desert, Jesus began his public ministry and began to do God´s will in his life. He was thrown out of his own home town and questioned by the powerful and the rich, but the most important thing to Him was fulfilling the will of God in His life as well. In traveling with Christ I am able to see His life as full of the will to do what God wants of him, and in doing that, realizing that what He truly wants is the same that God wants. We do have free will, and we do have the power to take our lives into our own hands. We can do that with Christ or without Christ, and no matter what, we live with that decision. I don´t know how long I´ve been without Christ, and maybe the desert of the past 2 and a half months has lasted longer, but now I´m out on the other side and ready to begin living my life again inside of the Cross of Christ.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Losing Weight
So, one of the weird, healthy (but unhealthy, sometimes) benifits of being here in Ecuador is losing weight. When I came down here I weighed about 225 pounds...now, after four months, I´m down to a slim (relatively so) 195. That´s the difference of about 30 pounds. The healthy schedule of weight loss is about 3 pounds per week per person, and so since i´ve been here for about 16 weeks, that actually isn´t that bad. And I feel a lot healthier, too: my food intake has been a mix of beans, rice, with the ocassional homemade pizza sneaking its way into my diet.
This is an unintended consequence of being here. My goal of being in Ecuador, nor did any of my thoughts go into, losing weight. It´s just an added consequence of being from the United States and loving to eat. I am able to eat like I do in the States because I have the option to choose the food that makes me heftier. Here, I don´t have that choice, which is an interesting reflection to think about. Living down here with people who eat this way everyday shows me that one can live on this little amount of food and still have not only a good life, but a very active and strong life as well.
And I see Ecuadorians doing manual labor everyday. They use the energy given to them by their food to good use. And when I ate, I would eat and sit, eat and sit, then walk around a little bit, then eat and sit some more. No wonder I ended up the way I did. No wonder there´s an obesity epidemic in our country. People have the option to eat and sit or eat and walk around and be active, and a lot of people eat and sit. I know very active people, so it´s not everyone. But the other reflection is that I´ve lost all this weight just by walking around my neighborhood, meeting people, allowing myself to experience the life of Ecuadorians daily by taking buses and actively choosing to walk places.
Of course, I don´t really want to loose more weight than this, although I probably will. And that´s not a bad thing, so long as I´m losing it doing this like I said above. Perhaps people in the States should just get out of their house and meet their neighbors, walk, and share in their lives. That sounds healthy to me.
This is an unintended consequence of being here. My goal of being in Ecuador, nor did any of my thoughts go into, losing weight. It´s just an added consequence of being from the United States and loving to eat. I am able to eat like I do in the States because I have the option to choose the food that makes me heftier. Here, I don´t have that choice, which is an interesting reflection to think about. Living down here with people who eat this way everyday shows me that one can live on this little amount of food and still have not only a good life, but a very active and strong life as well.
And I see Ecuadorians doing manual labor everyday. They use the energy given to them by their food to good use. And when I ate, I would eat and sit, eat and sit, then walk around a little bit, then eat and sit some more. No wonder I ended up the way I did. No wonder there´s an obesity epidemic in our country. People have the option to eat and sit or eat and walk around and be active, and a lot of people eat and sit. I know very active people, so it´s not everyone. But the other reflection is that I´ve lost all this weight just by walking around my neighborhood, meeting people, allowing myself to experience the life of Ecuadorians daily by taking buses and actively choosing to walk places.
Of course, I don´t really want to loose more weight than this, although I probably will. And that´s not a bad thing, so long as I´m losing it doing this like I said above. Perhaps people in the States should just get out of their house and meet their neighbors, walk, and share in their lives. That sounds healthy to me.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Me Encanta. Me Encanta todo Eso
"Me encanta. Me encanta todo eso." This means, "I love it. I love all of this."
As I sat in the Terminal Terrestre, I came to a realization over a double quarter pounder with cheese. I came to the terminal with an errand to run: I needed to buy pupitos for my guitar, which is necessary given the scope of my work. After this errand, I wandered the terminal and found the buses that went between provinces, so I jotted down some information. Finally, I stopped for a bite to eat.
In the terminal, there aren´t cane houses, heat from the sun, water barrels, the sound of roosters and water trucks, babies and families, sounds that I´ve grown accustomed to. Only the sounds of shuffling feet, private conversations, and the exchange of money. As I sat over my burger, I looked at the TV and saw "American Gladiators" flashing in front of one Ecuadorian man, alone, sipping a McDonald´s cup, seemingly mesmerized.
I suddenly became aware of what I was doing in the terminal and what everyone else was doing as well: I was being from the United States, or as we say in the US, being "American." I was eating a doube quarter pounder with Cheese, watching television, and sitting. I was consuming goods physically and monetarily, and it felt normal. My discomfort with this idea then lead me to buy a chocolate bar, a I ate half of it before I caught myself.
It seems that this is what being American is, and what we´re trained to do in the US is consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. The show was translated so people could understand it, but I´ve never needed that. Everything is given to me in my language, and has been for 22 years.
People want to be American and as I walked from the McDonald´s with my chocolate bar, I realized that I was, too, because consuming, walking through a mall and being served is what we are trained to do. From a young age, "americans" are brought to places that have familiar advertising slogans or faces and we want to obtain them. We want to spend and spend because that´s the American way: consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. We don´t watch the world and understand what we´re doing to them.
As I write this, I sit on a rickety bus. A woman sleeps in front of me as I travel back from this experience to the place I live, a farcry from where I was. I feel sorry for everyone who sees me and thinks that because I´m American I am the world that everyone watches on TV. The truth is I´ve stepped off that stage and joined the crowd. Yet that slogan still brings me back to a world that I once kne, that loves consuming, sitting, and allowing the world to watch by commanding it, a hypnotic and seductive phrase that will always make people want to be American:
"Me ecanta. Me encanta todo eso."
As I sat in the Terminal Terrestre, I came to a realization over a double quarter pounder with cheese. I came to the terminal with an errand to run: I needed to buy pupitos for my guitar, which is necessary given the scope of my work. After this errand, I wandered the terminal and found the buses that went between provinces, so I jotted down some information. Finally, I stopped for a bite to eat.
In the terminal, there aren´t cane houses, heat from the sun, water barrels, the sound of roosters and water trucks, babies and families, sounds that I´ve grown accustomed to. Only the sounds of shuffling feet, private conversations, and the exchange of money. As I sat over my burger, I looked at the TV and saw "American Gladiators" flashing in front of one Ecuadorian man, alone, sipping a McDonald´s cup, seemingly mesmerized.
I suddenly became aware of what I was doing in the terminal and what everyone else was doing as well: I was being from the United States, or as we say in the US, being "American." I was eating a doube quarter pounder with Cheese, watching television, and sitting. I was consuming goods physically and monetarily, and it felt normal. My discomfort with this idea then lead me to buy a chocolate bar, a I ate half of it before I caught myself.
It seems that this is what being American is, and what we´re trained to do in the US is consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. The show was translated so people could understand it, but I´ve never needed that. Everything is given to me in my language, and has been for 22 years.
People want to be American and as I walked from the McDonald´s with my chocolate bar, I realized that I was, too, because consuming, walking through a mall and being served is what we are trained to do. From a young age, "americans" are brought to places that have familiar advertising slogans or faces and we want to obtain them. We want to spend and spend because that´s the American way: consume, sit, and allow the world to watch us. We don´t watch the world and understand what we´re doing to them.
As I write this, I sit on a rickety bus. A woman sleeps in front of me as I travel back from this experience to the place I live, a farcry from where I was. I feel sorry for everyone who sees me and thinks that because I´m American I am the world that everyone watches on TV. The truth is I´ve stepped off that stage and joined the crowd. Yet that slogan still brings me back to a world that I once kne, that loves consuming, sitting, and allowing the world to watch by commanding it, a hypnotic and seductive phrase that will always make people want to be American:
"Me ecanta. Me encanta todo eso."
Thursday, October 14, 2010
How to Feel in Light of Sacrafices
This is an interesting feeling.
I walked into the cyber late morning and checked my email. I read a few from someone I care about, one that engenders me to keep praying harder and harder. I looked on my facebook and saw pictures from an event I wish I could have been at...marking the second big thing in this person´s life I´ve missed out on by choice. I am missing a lot at home with shows and so many other things I could be doing there that it makes my eyes well up a little and my throat get tight.
Yet, I´m here, living with one paved road and people I don´t know. I have to pay for my internet usage and learn a new language. Every day I take a bus to a place that I am still learning to love, and when I come back home I´m too exhausted to think about all of these things. Now that I´m thinking about them it makes me wonder: How do I feel about what I´ve sacraficed? The sacrafice of comfort, the sacrafice of presence, the sacrafice of language, the sacrafice of all I´ve known for twenty-two years. And I´m here, writing on this blog about it, not knowing how to feel.
My heart breaks and soars when things bad and good happen among the one I hold dear and my friends. Today has been a rush of those emotions, and I can´t talk to anyone about it at the moment because I have trouble expressing myself in Spanish. No one around can talk to me either because I have trouble understanding it. It´s all some sort of emotional roller coaster because I´m apart from the only four other people around who can understand me.
Yet I need to be self sufficient and begin to start dealing with these things alone. I´m not going to be able to have people constantly around me all of my life, no matter how much I desire that. The reality of human life comes from the fact that we will all end up alone at some point in our lives, and I suppose at this moment, at this computer, I kind of feel like that. I miss being able to console my loved ones and cherish the joys that they feel on a daily basis. I miss giving them a call to hang out and shoot the breeze with me. And now I´m living with the choice I´ve made to go without that for the next year.
It´s been three months now and I think I´ve just begun to hit the point of this experience: through sacrafice comes discomfort. Through discomfort comes growth. Through growth comes destruction. Through destruction comes creation. I am constantly desmantled by God, and it looks like God´s doing it again. Slowly, but surely. And when I am desmantled, I hope to understand where God is taking me and what God is doing with me.
I walked into the cyber late morning and checked my email. I read a few from someone I care about, one that engenders me to keep praying harder and harder. I looked on my facebook and saw pictures from an event I wish I could have been at...marking the second big thing in this person´s life I´ve missed out on by choice. I am missing a lot at home with shows and so many other things I could be doing there that it makes my eyes well up a little and my throat get tight.
Yet, I´m here, living with one paved road and people I don´t know. I have to pay for my internet usage and learn a new language. Every day I take a bus to a place that I am still learning to love, and when I come back home I´m too exhausted to think about all of these things. Now that I´m thinking about them it makes me wonder: How do I feel about what I´ve sacraficed? The sacrafice of comfort, the sacrafice of presence, the sacrafice of language, the sacrafice of all I´ve known for twenty-two years. And I´m here, writing on this blog about it, not knowing how to feel.
My heart breaks and soars when things bad and good happen among the one I hold dear and my friends. Today has been a rush of those emotions, and I can´t talk to anyone about it at the moment because I have trouble expressing myself in Spanish. No one around can talk to me either because I have trouble understanding it. It´s all some sort of emotional roller coaster because I´m apart from the only four other people around who can understand me.
Yet I need to be self sufficient and begin to start dealing with these things alone. I´m not going to be able to have people constantly around me all of my life, no matter how much I desire that. The reality of human life comes from the fact that we will all end up alone at some point in our lives, and I suppose at this moment, at this computer, I kind of feel like that. I miss being able to console my loved ones and cherish the joys that they feel on a daily basis. I miss giving them a call to hang out and shoot the breeze with me. And now I´m living with the choice I´ve made to go without that for the next year.
It´s been three months now and I think I´ve just begun to hit the point of this experience: through sacrafice comes discomfort. Through discomfort comes growth. Through growth comes destruction. Through destruction comes creation. I am constantly desmantled by God, and it looks like God´s doing it again. Slowly, but surely. And when I am desmantled, I hope to understand where God is taking me and what God is doing with me.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Coups aren´t as scary as the history books say they are...
I don´t think as many people heard about this in the states, so for those of you who didn´t, here´s what has happened here in Ecuador. Last thursday, President Raphael Correa was giving a speech in Quito where he announced that he was going to reduce the salary of national police officers so he could help fund some other programs for the poor here in Ecuador. Heckled during his speech, Correa responded by saying, "if you and to kill me, than kill me!" and dramatically undid his tie and buttoned his shirt. As he was walking to his car, someone in the crowd threw tear gas, the president was placed into a gas mask, and taken by car to a hospital to treat an already existing injury to his leg. What nobody realized (apparently...although I don´t quite know how this happened) is that the drivers took him to the hospital for the National Police. So for the day, Correa was sequestered in the hospital, and the National police sequestered him there. That night, a group of Special Forces came into the hospital and freed Correa, bringing him back to the Presidential Palace safely.
There were protests and a few police riots in Guayaquil. In Quito, things were a lot worse, especially among the police. But this instance did some things to my community and me. We were not allowed to go to work friday and stayed mostly indoors saturday and sunday. We spent a whole lot of time together, and I keep thinking to myself how this is the first blessing in desguise out of the whole situation. Through so much unrest, people come together and show each other care and concern. We all were making light of the situation (we wanted to make coup-kies, and other foods that sounded like the word "coup"), but it drew us all together. I felt like I was part of the national consciousness, too: I was a little afriad, and I wanted a peaceful resolution to the situation, which happened yesterday.
The second blessing in disguise is realizing how much the political system here in Ecuador is not too much different than in the United States. It´s ok, scratch your head. Why would I say that? Well, what happened here was classic: those who had been making money and possessed power were having a little bit of their power taken away, which lead to protests and violence because of the power infringement by the president. I think of the situation in the US, and I see a group of people (mainly the TEA party), angry that they are being taxed too much, and therefore, protesting and using violence in their language to try and get that power back. It´s all an ebb and flow: Those who have power will keep power for a while, but when this power is infringed upon (which always happens, inevitably), those who have the power want to keep it, and fight to do so.
I suppose I need to listen to the words of Christ. "In the Kingdom of God, the last shall be first, and the first shall be last." I am priveledged in the world. I have a college education, a car, a house, and a future to think about with a beautiful girlfriend and the world at my finger tips. The people here in Monte Sinai have none of these things, only family, neighbors, and the work of their hands. A neighbor of mine was up all night last night, but can´t go to sleep because he has to keep his store open to make money. I will never have to go through that, but I want to try and begin to understand what that must be like.
We have a conversation ongoing in our house. Can we ever be live in the world of the poor as people from the US? I don´t think that´s possible, but by the simple act of trying to understand it, something is being done: a transferrance of stories so that I can return them to the world and give them the respect they deserve. The news will never report about these people, only those people who have a loud enough voice. Well, I have a loud enough voice, and I´m not afraid to use it.
There were protests and a few police riots in Guayaquil. In Quito, things were a lot worse, especially among the police. But this instance did some things to my community and me. We were not allowed to go to work friday and stayed mostly indoors saturday and sunday. We spent a whole lot of time together, and I keep thinking to myself how this is the first blessing in desguise out of the whole situation. Through so much unrest, people come together and show each other care and concern. We all were making light of the situation (we wanted to make coup-kies, and other foods that sounded like the word "coup"), but it drew us all together. I felt like I was part of the national consciousness, too: I was a little afriad, and I wanted a peaceful resolution to the situation, which happened yesterday.
The second blessing in disguise is realizing how much the political system here in Ecuador is not too much different than in the United States. It´s ok, scratch your head. Why would I say that? Well, what happened here was classic: those who had been making money and possessed power were having a little bit of their power taken away, which lead to protests and violence because of the power infringement by the president. I think of the situation in the US, and I see a group of people (mainly the TEA party), angry that they are being taxed too much, and therefore, protesting and using violence in their language to try and get that power back. It´s all an ebb and flow: Those who have power will keep power for a while, but when this power is infringed upon (which always happens, inevitably), those who have the power want to keep it, and fight to do so.
I suppose I need to listen to the words of Christ. "In the Kingdom of God, the last shall be first, and the first shall be last." I am priveledged in the world. I have a college education, a car, a house, and a future to think about with a beautiful girlfriend and the world at my finger tips. The people here in Monte Sinai have none of these things, only family, neighbors, and the work of their hands. A neighbor of mine was up all night last night, but can´t go to sleep because he has to keep his store open to make money. I will never have to go through that, but I want to try and begin to understand what that must be like.
We have a conversation ongoing in our house. Can we ever be live in the world of the poor as people from the US? I don´t think that´s possible, but by the simple act of trying to understand it, something is being done: a transferrance of stories so that I can return them to the world and give them the respect they deserve. The news will never report about these people, only those people who have a loud enough voice. Well, I have a loud enough voice, and I´m not afraid to use it.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Books, books, and more books
In Ecuador, there´s really not a whole lot do outside of work and neighborhood time. We have prayer every night, and we also have spirituality and community nights once every week, but other than that, there´s a lot of down time. We´ve been spending it in community a lot, but I´ve found myself getting wrapped up in books. Not just any books though: I find that I try to pick books that are from known writers or from titles that I´ve heard of in the past. Or writers that I´ve heard of from elsewhere. So far, I´ve read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, Radical Compassion by Gary Smith, SJ, The Shack by William Young, and now I´m reading Sex God: The Endless Connection between Spirituality and Sexuality by Rob Bell, a pastor at an Evangelical church. Each book has given me interesting thoughts and feelings after I´ve finished them, and I marvel at the transferrance of ideas between people.
What might this be, you may ask? Well, I think it´s interesting that words can translate such meaning to people. The fact that I could read a book and have my own beliefs rocked a little bit, challenged, questioned, is interesting. What´s even more interesting is that it doesn´t have to happen with someone sitting directly in front of me. It happens through a piece of paper. Someone sat down, penned these words down, and they were published for everyone to see, read, and injest, so that they, too, can make this a part of their own beliefs and life. How fascinating is that?
Then I think, well, the difference between a book and a person is a lifeforce. I go over to neighbor´s houses, and no doubt some of them can´t read. No doubt some of them can´t look at words on a page and understand what they mean. But yet, whenever I speak with them it´s like the pages of an incredible story coming to life. It´s like a real life version of your favorite stories: A Tale of Two Cities? Look at the lives of people in Monte Sinai and the Puntilla. Death of a Salesman? Look at the thousands of fathers here, trying to make an honest and help their families succeed, but are stuck in their old ways, struggling in jobs that don´t make that much money, hoping that they can keep their jobs for another way. Every day I can talk to someone who experiences these stories first hand, in life.
So then, it seems, a lifeforce is found in the pages of each book. Through the simple fact that I crack the spine of a book I´m asking it to pour out the beliefs and leanings of its author. And yet, there are also those who don´t crack spines, but yet still pour their beliefs and leanings out to me, so that I may learn and injest these things into my own life. Which makes me wonder: is there anything that doesn´t bring life? Is there anything in the world that doesn´t somehow allow life to take place? Even in this place, where cane houses and dirt roads are common place, where every family is striving to better their lives for their children, hoping to make enough money to continue building a more sufficient living space, life can take place, and it takes place to the fullest.
In the end, I don´t know if this blog entry makes a lot of sense. Words, books, lifeforces, life. The transferrance of life. The way people live. Reading books brings life to all people because people´s lives are in the books, fiction or not. Talking to people here is like reading a book because people´s lives are in the stories they tell. Maybe everything in life leads people to life, even the tradgedies. Jeez, this makes me want to read a good book.
What might this be, you may ask? Well, I think it´s interesting that words can translate such meaning to people. The fact that I could read a book and have my own beliefs rocked a little bit, challenged, questioned, is interesting. What´s even more interesting is that it doesn´t have to happen with someone sitting directly in front of me. It happens through a piece of paper. Someone sat down, penned these words down, and they were published for everyone to see, read, and injest, so that they, too, can make this a part of their own beliefs and life. How fascinating is that?
Then I think, well, the difference between a book and a person is a lifeforce. I go over to neighbor´s houses, and no doubt some of them can´t read. No doubt some of them can´t look at words on a page and understand what they mean. But yet, whenever I speak with them it´s like the pages of an incredible story coming to life. It´s like a real life version of your favorite stories: A Tale of Two Cities? Look at the lives of people in Monte Sinai and the Puntilla. Death of a Salesman? Look at the thousands of fathers here, trying to make an honest and help their families succeed, but are stuck in their old ways, struggling in jobs that don´t make that much money, hoping that they can keep their jobs for another way. Every day I can talk to someone who experiences these stories first hand, in life.
So then, it seems, a lifeforce is found in the pages of each book. Through the simple fact that I crack the spine of a book I´m asking it to pour out the beliefs and leanings of its author. And yet, there are also those who don´t crack spines, but yet still pour their beliefs and leanings out to me, so that I may learn and injest these things into my own life. Which makes me wonder: is there anything that doesn´t bring life? Is there anything in the world that doesn´t somehow allow life to take place? Even in this place, where cane houses and dirt roads are common place, where every family is striving to better their lives for their children, hoping to make enough money to continue building a more sufficient living space, life can take place, and it takes place to the fullest.
In the end, I don´t know if this blog entry makes a lot of sense. Words, books, lifeforces, life. The transferrance of life. The way people live. Reading books brings life to all people because people´s lives are in the books, fiction or not. Talking to people here is like reading a book because people´s lives are in the stories they tell. Maybe everything in life leads people to life, even the tradgedies. Jeez, this makes me want to read a good book.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
What´s going on down here?
I haven´t had a lot of time to get to blogging. It´s been a slight dry spell from my other weeks of frequent updating. For that I am sorry for all of you avid readers of my thoughts; I´m so blessed to have so many people following this blog! I want to say, straight away, that I have been reflecting on all of the support I´ve been getting back home. Whether it be from those who donated to my cause monetarily, or those who continue to donate through letters, graduation pictures (Meaghan!) or facebook/gchatting, I am certainly feeling the love down here from the States. Thank you all so much!
Now, as for my time here recently. It seems like things have been becoming a little routine. During the weeks I´ve been waking up, walking around the barrio, coming home, getting on the bus and going to work, working, returning from work, having communiy dinner, having community prayer, and going to sleep. This simple structure has varied, thogh: we throw in weekly spirituality and community nights, which gives the week some flavor. There is also some leighway with neighborhood time as well: I never know who I am going to meet, who´s going to approach me, or even if I´ll be able to respond and understand what the person is saying. Recently I´ve been going around alone, too, which has been a rush because I´m gaining more confidence in speaking to people around. Like I said earlier: it´s becoming a little routine, but there are certainly enough variables in my day to keep it fresh.
Last night I ran community night, and I introduced everyone to the craziness of my personality using (my favorite) improv. We played Zip-Zap-Zop, Zoom-Schwartz-Profigliano, and 21, and although I was a little afraid my community wasn´t going to enjoy it, they threw themselves in it and we had a blast. It was especially fun playing Caveman 21. If you´re reading this and don´t know what the hell I´m saying, don´t worry, that´s normal. Improv is something that has become such a part of my life that I am excited to tell/show everyone about it. And, one may be saying, "What does improv have to do with community?"
Well, I think the most important thing is that, especially using those games, improv builds community. One of the most important rules of improv is that you have to clear your mind and just be during each game, allow the game to happen to you and not anticipate what´s going to happen. In community life, this is essential; I can´t pretend to expect this community to be like the communities I lived in with Leaderworx. I can´t expect my community members to be my friends forever (although, the way things are going, it may just turn out that way). I just have to live with them and try to understand them as they are, not as they once were, or as they will be. All five of us have lived through the past and not yet made it to the future, we must live now. This is a useful thought to have when living in community, and living in general.
The one thing that doing improv made me do was miss doing improv back in the states with On the Fly. I don´t think the people in the ensemble realize this, but as silly as this will sound (and probably corny), doing improv really opened me up more and allowed me to have the ganas to put myself out there more than I could before. It gave me more courage and encouragment to just be myself and be happy with that. It´s a blessing to know that I have such a community back home, where I can just be myself and not have to worry about judgments or preconcieved notions. I can just be, and not worry about it.
One more thing to write about, and then I´ll stop. Yesterday morning our local priest, Father John, came by our house to pick up Aaron for a trip into Guayaquil centro. He walked in and approached me, sat down at our table, and began talking to me about the music ministry here. He said that he was impressed by my work with the guitaristas at St. Theresa, a capilla under the parroquia Bautismo de Jesus, and he wanted me to have more responsibility in the main parish church, Corpus Cristi. He wanted me to begin thinking up music for each month, and wanted to work with me to get the whole parish to participate not only in the pews, but also in a possible music group that the parish can form. In a nutshell, he said that I need to take charge of the music in the parish.
Now, it sounded awesome at the time. I was really excited, although overwhelmed. I didn´t know where to begin, espeically since everyone down here doesn´t read music and uses solfedge when they play music (translating guitar chords was difficult). The only thing is that we currently have another music group from another parish coming to play every Sunday at the big parish, and they are fantastic. THey have built up music in that parish already, and the last thing I want to do is step on toes or invalidate all of the hard work they´ve done. That wouldn´t be fair to them. So today I´m going to talk to Father John about how I wouldn´t be comfortable with taking over the ministry unless they continued to be involved until they wanted to stop. I can´t be part of slowly pushing that group out of our parish.
I think that´s about all for now. I wish all of you in the states saludos, and thank you for all the support again. KEEP SENDING ME MAIL/LETTERS! It´s awesome!!!
From Ecuador, with love.
Now, as for my time here recently. It seems like things have been becoming a little routine. During the weeks I´ve been waking up, walking around the barrio, coming home, getting on the bus and going to work, working, returning from work, having communiy dinner, having community prayer, and going to sleep. This simple structure has varied, thogh: we throw in weekly spirituality and community nights, which gives the week some flavor. There is also some leighway with neighborhood time as well: I never know who I am going to meet, who´s going to approach me, or even if I´ll be able to respond and understand what the person is saying. Recently I´ve been going around alone, too, which has been a rush because I´m gaining more confidence in speaking to people around. Like I said earlier: it´s becoming a little routine, but there are certainly enough variables in my day to keep it fresh.
Last night I ran community night, and I introduced everyone to the craziness of my personality using (my favorite) improv. We played Zip-Zap-Zop, Zoom-Schwartz-Profigliano, and 21, and although I was a little afraid my community wasn´t going to enjoy it, they threw themselves in it and we had a blast. It was especially fun playing Caveman 21. If you´re reading this and don´t know what the hell I´m saying, don´t worry, that´s normal. Improv is something that has become such a part of my life that I am excited to tell/show everyone about it. And, one may be saying, "What does improv have to do with community?"
Well, I think the most important thing is that, especially using those games, improv builds community. One of the most important rules of improv is that you have to clear your mind and just be during each game, allow the game to happen to you and not anticipate what´s going to happen. In community life, this is essential; I can´t pretend to expect this community to be like the communities I lived in with Leaderworx. I can´t expect my community members to be my friends forever (although, the way things are going, it may just turn out that way). I just have to live with them and try to understand them as they are, not as they once were, or as they will be. All five of us have lived through the past and not yet made it to the future, we must live now. This is a useful thought to have when living in community, and living in general.
The one thing that doing improv made me do was miss doing improv back in the states with On the Fly. I don´t think the people in the ensemble realize this, but as silly as this will sound (and probably corny), doing improv really opened me up more and allowed me to have the ganas to put myself out there more than I could before. It gave me more courage and encouragment to just be myself and be happy with that. It´s a blessing to know that I have such a community back home, where I can just be myself and not have to worry about judgments or preconcieved notions. I can just be, and not worry about it.
One more thing to write about, and then I´ll stop. Yesterday morning our local priest, Father John, came by our house to pick up Aaron for a trip into Guayaquil centro. He walked in and approached me, sat down at our table, and began talking to me about the music ministry here. He said that he was impressed by my work with the guitaristas at St. Theresa, a capilla under the parroquia Bautismo de Jesus, and he wanted me to have more responsibility in the main parish church, Corpus Cristi. He wanted me to begin thinking up music for each month, and wanted to work with me to get the whole parish to participate not only in the pews, but also in a possible music group that the parish can form. In a nutshell, he said that I need to take charge of the music in the parish.
Now, it sounded awesome at the time. I was really excited, although overwhelmed. I didn´t know where to begin, espeically since everyone down here doesn´t read music and uses solfedge when they play music (translating guitar chords was difficult). The only thing is that we currently have another music group from another parish coming to play every Sunday at the big parish, and they are fantastic. THey have built up music in that parish already, and the last thing I want to do is step on toes or invalidate all of the hard work they´ve done. That wouldn´t be fair to them. So today I´m going to talk to Father John about how I wouldn´t be comfortable with taking over the ministry unless they continued to be involved until they wanted to stop. I can´t be part of slowly pushing that group out of our parish.
I think that´s about all for now. I wish all of you in the states saludos, and thank you for all the support again. KEEP SENDING ME MAIL/LETTERS! It´s awesome!!!
From Ecuador, with love.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
I thought I had something...
So I´m sitting here at the Monte Sinai cyber (which just got internet), and I remember sitting down with an idea for a blog entry but now I have forgotten what it is. I think that´s one of my ultimate problems: forgetting ideas. I´m a very absent minded person and I always have been, but I just wish sometimes I would remember why I open up my blog and decide to write in it.
Perhaps it was about my community´s ongoing conversation concerning faith and God. I don´t quite know how to go into that in this public of a forum, but suffice to say that it´s been a very enriching and "life-giving" (a phrase used a lot down here) conversation. Maybe that´s something I can just go on. I am a very absent minded person unless I constantly remind myself of important things, like, for example, my family´s constant support, or my three year anniversary with Christine is this Wednesday, or her phone number, or her address, or her constant loyalty and feelings for me, or the fact that I have all sorts of friends in the states that care for me. Every day I wake up thanking God for these things in my life, and they become a larger part of my reality while I´m down here so that, as I immerse myself in the culture down here, I can explain better to people (and to myself) who I am and why I do what I do.
The ¨life giving¨part of this conversation about faith here in Monte Sinai has been that I am constantly reminding myself of the aspects of my faith that I can loose. Being in Ecuador and worrying about getting on the correct bus, making sure I´m being safe, keep in touch with the Dúran volunteers, setting up visits with neighbors, etc., can tend to take up most of my time, to the point where I am so focused on those things my faith gets lost in the shuffle. It´s not like at SJU where I was always surrounded by it with statues and chapel choir and sju weekly service. Here, faith is a little more abstract because there isn´t a controlled space where I can express it like in Wolfington or in the Chapel.
The value in this, though, is that I can begin to formulate a vocabulary for expressing my faith outside of these controlled venues. The opportunity for faith discourse here is much; we have daily night prayer and weekly spirituality night. But these things are intentional choices we all take to make faith discourse happen. I have to make that choice every single night to make sure that I am being open and honest about my faith so that I can constantly remind myself about my whole faith. It´s not just about jusice, it´s about faith. It´s not just about faith, it´s about justice. And if I don´t take that step to remind myself by sharing my faith with others, I am missing the opportunity to really build on my foundation of faith.
It may be Aristotelean of me, but repetition seems to work well when building faith. I keep on reminding myself of the depth of Christ´s love for me and for the world that I become less absent minded and become more open minded to those around me and the faith that leads me to justice as well as the justice that leads to my faith. Huh, this turned out to be a better blog entry than I thought. Maybe I should start making lists...or maybe I should just always forget about my blog entry ideas. Especially because it allows me to be more vulnerable on here. Here´s to faith, justice, and word vomit, I suppose.
Perhaps it was about my community´s ongoing conversation concerning faith and God. I don´t quite know how to go into that in this public of a forum, but suffice to say that it´s been a very enriching and "life-giving" (a phrase used a lot down here) conversation. Maybe that´s something I can just go on. I am a very absent minded person unless I constantly remind myself of important things, like, for example, my family´s constant support, or my three year anniversary with Christine is this Wednesday, or her phone number, or her address, or her constant loyalty and feelings for me, or the fact that I have all sorts of friends in the states that care for me. Every day I wake up thanking God for these things in my life, and they become a larger part of my reality while I´m down here so that, as I immerse myself in the culture down here, I can explain better to people (and to myself) who I am and why I do what I do.
The ¨life giving¨part of this conversation about faith here in Monte Sinai has been that I am constantly reminding myself of the aspects of my faith that I can loose. Being in Ecuador and worrying about getting on the correct bus, making sure I´m being safe, keep in touch with the Dúran volunteers, setting up visits with neighbors, etc., can tend to take up most of my time, to the point where I am so focused on those things my faith gets lost in the shuffle. It´s not like at SJU where I was always surrounded by it with statues and chapel choir and sju weekly service. Here, faith is a little more abstract because there isn´t a controlled space where I can express it like in Wolfington or in the Chapel.
The value in this, though, is that I can begin to formulate a vocabulary for expressing my faith outside of these controlled venues. The opportunity for faith discourse here is much; we have daily night prayer and weekly spirituality night. But these things are intentional choices we all take to make faith discourse happen. I have to make that choice every single night to make sure that I am being open and honest about my faith so that I can constantly remind myself about my whole faith. It´s not just about jusice, it´s about faith. It´s not just about faith, it´s about justice. And if I don´t take that step to remind myself by sharing my faith with others, I am missing the opportunity to really build on my foundation of faith.
It may be Aristotelean of me, but repetition seems to work well when building faith. I keep on reminding myself of the depth of Christ´s love for me and for the world that I become less absent minded and become more open minded to those around me and the faith that leads me to justice as well as the justice that leads to my faith. Huh, this turned out to be a better blog entry than I thought. Maybe I should start making lists...or maybe I should just always forget about my blog entry ideas. Especially because it allows me to be more vulnerable on here. Here´s to faith, justice, and word vomit, I suppose.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Community Living 101
For those of you who may not have realized this initially by reading this blog, I am living with four other people in the house at Monte Sinai. We all come from different life experiences, different geographical locations, and most importantly, different musical tastes. Well, maybe not all of us have different musical tastes - I have a music buddy in one of my community members, but that´s beside the point. In community, there has to be exchange between the people partaking in it, whether it be with music, or with something deeper. In Christian community, it usually happens in the exchange between faith journies and also prayer. Speaking generally, this can cause tension in whatever Christian community because of the fact that some may be at different points in their spirituality than others. This tension, in community, must be addressed post haste because it can become a toxic part of the community. But this is also the challenge of community: how to bring up tensions and problems within the community in a way that´s constructive and non-accusitory.
One of the most difficult exchanges between people is the exchange of ego. Living in community entails making sure that those people around you in community has a space to be open about their feelings. This, with certitude, takes the form of renouncing some of your own comforts for that of your community. Maybe you don´t like listening to broadway musical´s of the 1940s, but when Sandy decides that this is her favorite type of music you perhaps let her know the discomfort you feel when she puts it on, but you also realize that you have to pick your battles, and just because she´s playing Pal Joey or Kiss me Kate doesn´t mean you can be all snuffy and lock yourself in your room.
This leads to the next point about community living: participation. When you exchange (and even renounce) ego, you have to participate in your other community member´s realities! Sharing faith jornies and other things can´t be done with a grain of salt. These are people´s lives and interestes that they may find dear, and this means that when Sandy has Pal Joey on, you stay in the kitchen and help her make dinner while she´s dancing around to that famous broadway song of Pal Joey that she loves. This not only expands your own boundary of comfort, but it also shows her that you´re willing to participate in her interests and realities, which will, in turn, make her desire to participate in yours - an exchange. Granted, music isn´t the biggest thing, but this applies to everything: sharing faith journies, feelings of happiness or pain, tough conversations about community dynamics, etc.
These are just a few things that I´ve picked up from living in community the past two summers. I´m trying to apply this to my four other community members, and I hope I´m doing a good job. Community is not an easy thing, but all great things are not easy things to work towards. If you ever get the opportunity to live in community, take the chance. And hey, if you´re thinking about getting married at some point, living in community is good practice! At least that´s what married people tell me.
One of the most difficult exchanges between people is the exchange of ego. Living in community entails making sure that those people around you in community has a space to be open about their feelings. This, with certitude, takes the form of renouncing some of your own comforts for that of your community. Maybe you don´t like listening to broadway musical´s of the 1940s, but when Sandy decides that this is her favorite type of music you perhaps let her know the discomfort you feel when she puts it on, but you also realize that you have to pick your battles, and just because she´s playing Pal Joey or Kiss me Kate doesn´t mean you can be all snuffy and lock yourself in your room.
This leads to the next point about community living: participation. When you exchange (and even renounce) ego, you have to participate in your other community member´s realities! Sharing faith jornies and other things can´t be done with a grain of salt. These are people´s lives and interestes that they may find dear, and this means that when Sandy has Pal Joey on, you stay in the kitchen and help her make dinner while she´s dancing around to that famous broadway song of Pal Joey that she loves. This not only expands your own boundary of comfort, but it also shows her that you´re willing to participate in her interests and realities, which will, in turn, make her desire to participate in yours - an exchange. Granted, music isn´t the biggest thing, but this applies to everything: sharing faith journies, feelings of happiness or pain, tough conversations about community dynamics, etc.
These are just a few things that I´ve picked up from living in community the past two summers. I´m trying to apply this to my four other community members, and I hope I´m doing a good job. Community is not an easy thing, but all great things are not easy things to work towards. If you ever get the opportunity to live in community, take the chance. And hey, if you´re thinking about getting married at some point, living in community is good practice! At least that´s what married people tell me.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Bastion Popular, Bloque Uno - Never Take the 83
So this week has been my first week of work. I´ve been working in a barrio called Bastion Popular, which is right across the Via Daule in Guayaquil, a busy commercial road. There are twelve blocks there, and I work on Bloque uno, which is quite the sight. There are no paved roads but it is rather urban: Bastion is sprawling with buildings, hogars and tiendas scattered all over the hills. It´s like most other neighborhoods I´ve seen here in Ecuador, except whenever anyone talks about it, I always hear the same thing. "¿Bastion? Sí, esta muy peligroso."
But when I go to my worksite there, I don´t see it. There are about 80 kids, ranging from ages 6 to 15, all of whom do their homework loudly and aren´t afraid to ask for help. They´re all very energetic and seem excited about what their doing. Then again, there are a few who act up in the middle of their homework. I usually just give them a stare and firmly ask "¿que?" like my mom would do to me if anything was acting up. Usually the just freeze and return to their homework. They always call me "Profe" (short for profesor), and seem to like my company, even though they speak Spanish 10 (maybe 20) times better than I do. Now, granted, I haven´t ever walked on the streets of Bastion because my boss informs me that I´m not safe there, but I always walk with one of the young adult volunteers who works there. All four of them are really chévere (cool), and they seem to like me even though my command of the language isn´t there yet.
The only thing I will say is that no one should EVER take the 83 unless they really want to get to the other side of Bastion. I won´t disclose the details of my engagement with that bus line, but I promise you it´s best not to take it, especially if you´re trying to get to bloque uno. It takes you to the other side of Bastion, and if you´re a gringo, definitely do go to the other side of bastion. Or bloque dos, even.
So, I suppose for all my talk about the kids in Bloque Uno, it´s important to take the advice of people who say that a place is muy peligroso. At the same time, assuming every place in Ecuador is that isn´t the best thing to do. So, to conclude this suprisingly advising blog entry, if you enter a place you don´t know, don´t always assume that it is dangerous, even if people say it is. Odds are, where you go may be, but that doesn´t mean you should be afraid of it because good people do live there. Don´t be afraid of the unknown because sometimes you´ll find life even in the most mysterious places.
But when I go to my worksite there, I don´t see it. There are about 80 kids, ranging from ages 6 to 15, all of whom do their homework loudly and aren´t afraid to ask for help. They´re all very energetic and seem excited about what their doing. Then again, there are a few who act up in the middle of their homework. I usually just give them a stare and firmly ask "¿que?" like my mom would do to me if anything was acting up. Usually the just freeze and return to their homework. They always call me "Profe" (short for profesor), and seem to like my company, even though they speak Spanish 10 (maybe 20) times better than I do. Now, granted, I haven´t ever walked on the streets of Bastion because my boss informs me that I´m not safe there, but I always walk with one of the young adult volunteers who works there. All four of them are really chévere (cool), and they seem to like me even though my command of the language isn´t there yet.
The only thing I will say is that no one should EVER take the 83 unless they really want to get to the other side of Bastion. I won´t disclose the details of my engagement with that bus line, but I promise you it´s best not to take it, especially if you´re trying to get to bloque uno. It takes you to the other side of Bastion, and if you´re a gringo, definitely do go to the other side of bastion. Or bloque dos, even.
So, I suppose for all my talk about the kids in Bloque Uno, it´s important to take the advice of people who say that a place is muy peligroso. At the same time, assuming every place in Ecuador is that isn´t the best thing to do. So, to conclude this suprisingly advising blog entry, if you enter a place you don´t know, don´t always assume that it is dangerous, even if people say it is. Odds are, where you go may be, but that doesn´t mean you should be afraid of it because good people do live there. Don´t be afraid of the unknown because sometimes you´ll find life even in the most mysterious places.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Maybe more thought out...
So I realize that the past few posts may have been a bit rushed. I was trying to cut my time down here at the cyber and live simply with my community. Today we are all here updating blogs and talking with friends, so I feel less fevered to finish. I´m gonna try and relate all that I´ve been feeling the past few days, so I´m not really sure how long this will go for. We´ll just see. I´m a better extemporaneous writer than planned out writer, so this should be pretty easy for me. Let´s just hope it´s easy to ready for you.
So the past few days have been a little difficult for me. I opened my photo album of pictures and saw all of my friends and Christine. I began to miss home a lot. Then, on top of that, I started to feel a little out of place among our community mates. It was weird. I felt like I was trying to make a great comment or trying to do something so people would know who I am and nobody was really paying attention. That´s all fine, though, after the fact. But during last week I was feeling a little bit out of place. It was hard going to Diana´s father´s wake because it reminded me of my mom´s, which exacerbated my feelings, and I sort of hit a low around monday or sunday? I´m not really sure, time has a funny way of slipping past you down here. Well, either way I hit a low.
And then I started journaling one afternoon at Arbolito. Why was I feeling like this? Was I really out of place down here or was I just feeling this way for no reason at all? Am I cut out for this stuff? And I struggled a bit relating to people up till that point. I don´t know what happened after that journal entry, but writing out my feelings helped me and so I got up and began talking with people. I felt a ton better about it and felt like I was becoming a part of the community again. We had prayer that night and the communtiy seemed to really come together. After we returned to AJS I finally had a huge realization.
What I was doing was being a little proud. I came down here with all of these thoughts about myself. I thought I was really awesome at relating to people, really awesome at music, really confident, and all this stuff. And I still believe that I am all of those things. I just express it differently than others, and on top of that, there are people who are a little better socially than I am. This doesn´t mean i´m awful at meeting people or relating to them, and it doesn´t mean that I am an awful person as I felt. I just have to be humble about it. I´m not the best thing to happen to Ecuador since sliced bread. I´m not going to come down here and make a huge difference. I´m not going to make best friends who I will always count on for the rest of my life.
What I realized was that I am valuable to Ecuador. I am going to make some difference, somewhere here. And I am going to build community using everybody´s best and worst parts, even mine. And I have to accept that people will have to get used to the way I am, and I have to get used to the way people are here. That´s what building community´s all about. We must be humble and decrease so others can increase. As John the Baptist said, ¨He must increase, I must decrease.¨In the same way, when we build community, we all must decrease, and Christ must increase so that we base our community around Christ and not our own desires.
Other than that, we had an earthquake today that was only minor. I wouldn´t worry about it too much because we just had a slight tremor. That was really cool to wake up to. I haven´t had any ghiardias or parasites yet, but I can´t wait to eat my neighbor´s food when they invite me to eat! I will update more as soon as I can. I wish all of you a happy week and a great weekend.
So the past few days have been a little difficult for me. I opened my photo album of pictures and saw all of my friends and Christine. I began to miss home a lot. Then, on top of that, I started to feel a little out of place among our community mates. It was weird. I felt like I was trying to make a great comment or trying to do something so people would know who I am and nobody was really paying attention. That´s all fine, though, after the fact. But during last week I was feeling a little bit out of place. It was hard going to Diana´s father´s wake because it reminded me of my mom´s, which exacerbated my feelings, and I sort of hit a low around monday or sunday? I´m not really sure, time has a funny way of slipping past you down here. Well, either way I hit a low.
And then I started journaling one afternoon at Arbolito. Why was I feeling like this? Was I really out of place down here or was I just feeling this way for no reason at all? Am I cut out for this stuff? And I struggled a bit relating to people up till that point. I don´t know what happened after that journal entry, but writing out my feelings helped me and so I got up and began talking with people. I felt a ton better about it and felt like I was becoming a part of the community again. We had prayer that night and the communtiy seemed to really come together. After we returned to AJS I finally had a huge realization.
What I was doing was being a little proud. I came down here with all of these thoughts about myself. I thought I was really awesome at relating to people, really awesome at music, really confident, and all this stuff. And I still believe that I am all of those things. I just express it differently than others, and on top of that, there are people who are a little better socially than I am. This doesn´t mean i´m awful at meeting people or relating to them, and it doesn´t mean that I am an awful person as I felt. I just have to be humble about it. I´m not the best thing to happen to Ecuador since sliced bread. I´m not going to come down here and make a huge difference. I´m not going to make best friends who I will always count on for the rest of my life.
What I realized was that I am valuable to Ecuador. I am going to make some difference, somewhere here. And I am going to build community using everybody´s best and worst parts, even mine. And I have to accept that people will have to get used to the way I am, and I have to get used to the way people are here. That´s what building community´s all about. We must be humble and decrease so others can increase. As John the Baptist said, ¨He must increase, I must decrease.¨In the same way, when we build community, we all must decrease, and Christ must increase so that we base our community around Christ and not our own desires.
Other than that, we had an earthquake today that was only minor. I wouldn´t worry about it too much because we just had a slight tremor. That was really cool to wake up to. I haven´t had any ghiardias or parasites yet, but I can´t wait to eat my neighbor´s food when they invite me to eat! I will update more as soon as I can. I wish all of you a happy week and a great weekend.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Death and Life
This past night the former volunteers left us, but we also had a loss of someone close to us. One of our Ecuadorian friends lost a family member last night. We all have been somber today, keeping this in our thoughts and prayers. It´s been a little difficult for me. I remember when I lost my mom. It was the hardest thing I´ve ever had to go through. I feel for our friend, and I want to be there for her as much as I can.
Death is a funny thing. Everyone talks about it and is slightly sensitized to it depending on the culture you´re from or whether you grew up watching R-rated movies. It seems like sometimes death is even a little bit of a joke: we don´t realize the gravity of what it means. It means someone has lost a parent, or a cousin, an uncle, or an aunt, a grandparent, for a friend. It´s also seen as a very individual thing: many songs are written with lyrics like everyone dies alone, etc. We don´t see what death really is, and in that way we lose ourselves and concentrate on living as an individual. One body is put into the ground, one casket, one vault to keep any lingering of that person from eminating.
Yet death can bring people together in ways that no one can understand. It can bring people foward who one knew never cared, or who are torn apart by selfish motives. It can strengthen a community of people and teach everyone what love really means. It can show the world around just how much life people can have in the face of adversity. In short, death is something that shows the world how much we can be alive, how much humanity can feel for each other and be one. It´s much like a Chirstian community, who are united by the death of Christ. We are all united by death, because death brings new life to us, wherever we are.
So say a prayer for our Ecuadorian friend, and please keep all of us in your prayers today. And remember how much life you have, even though death is still present in the world. It comes for all of us, but life can be eternal if you want it to be, even over death.
Death is a funny thing. Everyone talks about it and is slightly sensitized to it depending on the culture you´re from or whether you grew up watching R-rated movies. It seems like sometimes death is even a little bit of a joke: we don´t realize the gravity of what it means. It means someone has lost a parent, or a cousin, an uncle, or an aunt, a grandparent, for a friend. It´s also seen as a very individual thing: many songs are written with lyrics like everyone dies alone, etc. We don´t see what death really is, and in that way we lose ourselves and concentrate on living as an individual. One body is put into the ground, one casket, one vault to keep any lingering of that person from eminating.
Yet death can bring people together in ways that no one can understand. It can bring people foward who one knew never cared, or who are torn apart by selfish motives. It can strengthen a community of people and teach everyone what love really means. It can show the world around just how much life people can have in the face of adversity. In short, death is something that shows the world how much we can be alive, how much humanity can feel for each other and be one. It´s much like a Chirstian community, who are united by the death of Christ. We are all united by death, because death brings new life to us, wherever we are.
So say a prayer for our Ecuadorian friend, and please keep all of us in your prayers today. And remember how much life you have, even though death is still present in the world. It comes for all of us, but life can be eternal if you want it to be, even over death.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
At the cyber at the moment...
How incredible.
Everything here is fantastic in Ecuador. I´m writing to you from a cyber in the neighborhood of Antonio Jose de Sucre. It´s pretty sweet, although it´s kind of hard having one of these characters (ç) be where the semicolon is supposed to be. I´m in the honeymoon period of my time here, which will hopefully last for a while. It´ll be an interesting time when i hit the culture shock part of my time here. I´m just waiting for it.
My volunteer community is awesome! We were able to hang out with the four former monte sinai volunteers who stayed for a second year. They showed us around our neighborhood and introduced us to the people they knew there so we would have a place to start when we got there. Amy, Tracy, Carolyn and Danny were a tremendous help to all five of us, and i cannot thank them enough. They made my first few visits to Monte Sinai awesome, and i can´t wait to return and continue building up the relationships they´ve made as well as making new ones with new neighbors.
It´s 530 here and we need to get going because some people will be coming to pick us up for dinner at the Arbolito retreat house. I will write in here as soon as i get another chance to, but we´ll be pretty busy for the next two weeks. All my love for all of you, and I hope that the States are going well!
Everything here is fantastic in Ecuador. I´m writing to you from a cyber in the neighborhood of Antonio Jose de Sucre. It´s pretty sweet, although it´s kind of hard having one of these characters (ç) be where the semicolon is supposed to be. I´m in the honeymoon period of my time here, which will hopefully last for a while. It´ll be an interesting time when i hit the culture shock part of my time here. I´m just waiting for it.
My volunteer community is awesome! We were able to hang out with the four former monte sinai volunteers who stayed for a second year. They showed us around our neighborhood and introduced us to the people they knew there so we would have a place to start when we got there. Amy, Tracy, Carolyn and Danny were a tremendous help to all five of us, and i cannot thank them enough. They made my first few visits to Monte Sinai awesome, and i can´t wait to return and continue building up the relationships they´ve made as well as making new ones with new neighbors.
It´s 530 here and we need to get going because some people will be coming to pick us up for dinner at the Arbolito retreat house. I will write in here as soon as i get another chance to, but we´ll be pretty busy for the next two weeks. All my love for all of you, and I hope that the States are going well!
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